The CABB 3 Playlist

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones
pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
~ Eskimo Proverb

Hi all,

Welcome to the third Charles/Adam Bucket Brigade aka CABB.  CABB was actually an April Fools joke one year.  Audrey and I pretended that we'd lost JABB to a couple Charles Rocket fans in an online poker match.  Obviously that wasn't true and it was me who wrote CABB 1.  And it was fun!  So much so I intended to write more CABBs if I ever decided JABB needed a lil shaking up.  But then in October 2005, the world lost Charles Rocket to suicide.  Myself and others put together CABB 2 as a memorial.  And I said it would be the last CABB.  However, in the months that have passed I began to rethink that.  I asked the people on the Yahoogroup to vote in a poll about whether CABB should continue with the occasional issue.  Overwhelmingly they voted yes.  So every year on August 24th (Charles Rocket's birthday) for the duration of JABB's run we'll become CABB instead of JABB.  Then we'll also write CABBs another couple times a year when things need shaking up.  They'll consists of jokes about TBAA's original angel of death and other Adamesque material.  The August 24th issues will celebrate the life of the actor who brought Adam to life.

This CABB will serve both as a celebration of Charles Rocket's impact on our lives and also a source for suicide prevention information.  If you're feeling suicidal or suspect someone you love is, *please* take down the information contained in this newsletter.  It might not be a bad idea to carry a card with the Suicide Prevention Hotline's phone number with you at all times.  You could end up saving a life and saving a family from the pain of losing a loved one.
Now, with out further adieu, we go onto CABB 3.
God bless,

Our Tributes

From Yvette:

Dear Charles Rocket,

Every so often I wonder what this world would be like if you were still a part of it.  How much of an overwhelming impact people like you have left on people like me.  Perhaps it was not earth-shattering, like a Nobel Prize, or time travel, but it did not take away from the fact that it was important.  Every time I turn on the television and see your face still there, I remember how much of an impact you really left behind.  Only last week I was watching ‘Quantum Leap’ and I saw your name appear on the screen and a smile touched my lips as I thought, ‘another of my favorite shows where you have been a part of that legacy’.  The character was perhaps not as nice as Adam, but heck it was a character that was so needed in the overall telling of a story.  You have been a legacy to many and sadly you never really knew that you gave me a sense of courage that I didn’t know I had.

Adam was a character that I related to probably more than any other, he is a character that I could understand because I am probably as misunderstood by the general TBAA fan-base as he is/was.  I was never the ‘popular kid on the block’, I never saw myself as being an empowering person amidst the general fans.  I have always seen myself as being the one who came ‘this close’ to success, only to fall short for whatever reason.  It was in that sense that I related to you.  Both the fictional Adam, and the real Yvette have dealt with issues of being different amidst the general assortment.  We both knew what it was like to be judged, put down, and even misunderstood.  Yet, we stood strong and knew that no matter what happens, we always leaned on the fact that a joke or a sly remark would enable us to continue.  If nothing else happened, we always knew we’d go down laughing.

What could be wrong with that?  How could we ever think for even a moment that it was not important? 

You’re now among the stars, looking down upon us, and I hope that if I can accomplish anything fan related in my life; it would be to keep the legacy positive, loving, and fun.  If I cannot, then what would be the point of me hanging around here anyway.  I’ll keep fighting for the legacy of the show that you were a part of, because you were a part of it and you gave it a life that no one else could ever change or taken away.  Maybe one day, when we do meet on the other side, we can stop and talk about things like chandeliers, pheasant, and how close to home you really were when you were here and playing the Angel of Death.

Namasté & Love,
Yvette Jessen  

From Karen:

I have 2 memories of Charles, but both are of Adam as I don't remember seeing him in anything else. I may have but just don't remember.

First off, when I first started watching TBAA, which was from the start, Adam was the main
AOD. I liked him so much. Now this is kind of funny.  When they changed Adam to Andrew it took my bf at the time to point out that Adam wasn't Adam anymore. Aod was Andrew. I don't know why I didn't notice the obvious change, but I didn't and we had a good laugh about that as I'm usually very good with remembering faces.
My favorite memory of Adam, which endeared him to me even more, was the turkey fiasco! As an AOD you'd think that taking someone to the Father would not bother them as they will know a better life. When Adam would not kill that turkey no matter what, including incurring Tess' wrath, I really laughed and my heart opened even more. His acting was so convincing I'd bet he'd done the same thing if it were a real life situation.

From Jenni:

On Strapless Dresses and Feathered Friends
I think it's funny, sometimes, what reminds us of people in our lives.  Even more funny when the people we find ourselves remembering aren't even really in our lives.  Yet they still have impact.  Sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small ways.  Either way, I think that's a really amazing thing about life.  That someone miles and miles away can have an impact on *you.*  When it comes to Mr. Rocket this truth is never more evident to me than when I'm clothes shopping...
In our own little twist on the usual parent/child clothing wars, my mom has always been somewhat appalled by my apparently conservative style of dress.  Not conservative in the sense that I run around in business suits.  Actually, I've been told more than once I look like I wandered out of the 60s.  Flared jeans, peasant tops, and beads.  Lots of beads.  But I don't care to show much skin.  So strapless dresses or tops... no thanks!  They're just not *me.*
A few weeks ago I was compelled to do some pre-date clothes shopping by my grandma under my mom's supervision.  One of my mom's suggestions was... you guessed it... a strapless top.  I gawped at it.  I contemplated the role the laws of gravity might play in its ability to stay securely where it needed to be.  And I thought about Adam in "Fallen Angela" and his concern about Monica's strapless dress.  He didn't seem to like it.  Surely he wouldn't like me to wear that strapless top, right?  I had an ally!  The angel of death was on my side!  So, because of Charles Rocket, I left that store with a classic T-shirt and a gray and white tie-dye blouse.  With sleeves.  Very much me.  And I was happy and not concerned about gravity.  (Obligatory note: My mom did think I should wear a shrug sweater or something over the lil top.  But still... it was strapless.)
So, clearly I was quite attached to Adam's clothing philosophy in "Fallen Angela."  But I've long loved his defense of Alexander in "An Unexpected Snow."  In one of those strange twists of fate, right around the time Mr. Rocket died my area became overrun with wild turkeys.  In the wake of his death, I became obsessed with those turkeys.  I had a plush turkey on my desk at work.  I was making lil angels holding turkeys to commemorate Mr. Rocket.  I wanted to get some photographs of the turkeys.  Whether I saw a turkey or not determined whether it was going to be a good day or a bad day.  Looking back, this was all possibly a touch insane.  But I guess ya do what ya gotta do.
I never did get the photographs.  I tried but the turkeys were always too far away or moving too fast or I couldn't focus the camera right.  But then a few weeks ago something happened.  I had just told someone something that had been very, very difficult for me to say.  I'd dreaded it for a week.  I hoped and prayed I was right to say and do what I had.  Having just finished my undesireable task, I was walking along and turned into this little field.  And there, only a few feet away, were five turkeys.  I felt instantly at peace with my decision and actions.  And I thought of Adam. 
The thing about Adam was he didn't always say the most popular thing.  He wasn't always sweet and compliant.  But he was who he was.  He didn't play a part for anybody.  He probly wouldn't have worn a particular clothing item just because it was in.  And in that moment, in that field, I realized that was the sorta person I needed to be.  I started snapping pictures.  As I did I thanked Mr. Rocket for bringing this wonderful character to life.  With out him I may never have learned that sometimes peace doesn't come with the coo of a dove but with the gobble-gobble of turkeys.
Thank you, Charles Rocket.
God bless,

From Liz:
I really didn't know much about Charles Rocket's career until I saw him as Adam.  After
seeing him for the first time in season 1, I enjoyed every minute he was on.  He brought a sense of humour and security to the role of Adam.  What I mean is that 'Adam' could make you laugh but, at the same time, you felt secure, like nothing could go wrong when he was around.  'Adam' was comforting almost like a big brother. 

I doubt anyone else could have pulled off the role like Charles Rocket did.  It had to take a special person to portay the character.

Suicide Prevention Information

It's not for members of JABB to sit around and discuss or debate why Charles Rocket took his own life.  It's not our business and it would not be respectful to his family.  However, it is a fact that most people who commit suicide were experiencing depression.  Therefore, we at JABB would like to do our part in educating people about depression, suicide, and ways you can help prevent suicide.  The following information was gathered from pamphlets Jenni ordered from the
American Foundation for Suicide PreventionIf you would like pamphlets you can order them hereIf you are unable to order online, contact Jenni.  She purchased extra copies and would be willing to mail one to you.  Please consult the AFSP site for further information.  Thank you.

Some signs of depression:
What to do if you fear someone may be considering suicide:
  1. By all means, take them seriously. 
  2. Ask if they need to talk.  Don't just ask once and give up.  Let them really know you're there for them.
  3. Ask if they're considering suicide or even if they've made any specific plans.
  4. Encourage them to seek out professional help.  Ask them if they would like you to go with them.  Research options with them.
  5. Stress how much you care.  Do not get angry.  Do not lecture them about what it would do to their family.  They do not need a guilt trip.  They need support, love, and someone to listen.
The AFSP also gives guidelines for what they call "an acute crisis."  This is when you fear a person may harm or kill themselves soon.  The guidelines are as follows:
  1. Take your loved one to an ER or psychiatic hospital.
  2. Under no circumstances leave them alone.
  3. Remove guns, drugs, sharp objects, and anything else that could be used in a suicide attempt from their presence.
  4. If a hospital or psychiatric clinic is unavailable call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.
Again, that information is all available at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's website.  Please go there for further information.  Now some of us would like to say a few words ourselves.  (Please note these are *our* words now.  They may not be the views of the AFSP.)

From Jenni:
I've been lucky in that I've not ever had anyone very close to me commit suicide.  But, like anyone, I've had my rough times
and I hope I've helped some people through their own.  Here are a few things I've learned:

~ Don't be afraid to ask for help. 

~ If the first person you go to isn't responsive, go to someone else.  Do *not* give up. 

Don't sit around and think "Oh but there are so many people worse off, I have no right to complain..."  If you need help, you need help.  There's no shame in that.  And it's not selfish. 

While we at JABB think it best that you see someone face-to-face if you're depressed, we're happy to talk to you if you just need a listening ear.  Your best bet would be to contact the JABB Sisterhood address.  That will put you in contact with four of us (Jess, Liz, Karen, and myself) and the odds are pretty good at least one of us will get the email with in a few hours of your sending it.  (UPDATE: Since the JABB Sisterhood is no longer in existence, the Sisterhood address has been disabled.  Please contact Jenni instead.  Thank you.) 

If you're in school or work with youth, you might consider looking into the Yellow Ribbon Program.   It's a really great organization that works to prevent teen suicide. 

Finally, remember what TBAA told us: God loves you.  Because your are the beloved child of God, you deserve support and care and love from your fellow children.  Don't be afraid to seek that out.

From Jarrod:
I have been trying to figure out what it is that I wanted to contribute to this page.  I decided that the best thing that I could do is to relate my own experiences with suicide.  I have learned from trying this in the past that you have to talk to someone as soon as possible, either in person, thru the phone or via the internet.  You have to know that no matter what there is always someone there to lend a hand and help you through having these thoughts.  You also have to think that if you were to commit suicide that yes it  might end the pain you are in, but for everyone that is in your life or lives that you have affected in the slightest way their pain would be just beginning.  When I was suicidal and I figured that you know everyone would be better off without me around.  But that is not true.  Because if you do take your life everyone will start to think, what could I have done to help, or what could I have done differently
that this person would still be here.  Those thoughts never go away for the peoples life that have had to deal with someone committing  suicide.  For the rest of their lives they will think about that when they think of you.  So please ask for help and don't feel ashamed because you need help.  Asking for help is the biggest step you can take and trust then that the pieces of your life will start to fall into place.  It won't happen over night and the thoughts might not go away but as long as you are willing to talk with someone then you can and will survive through this.  You will become a better and stronger person for it.  So I encourage anyone with thoughts of suicide to take that chance and tell someone.

From Karen:
Jenni and Jarrod have covered so many important things about this issue, but there are a couple of things I want to add. If
your friend says that the world would be better off without them take them seriously. If you feel you haven't gotten through to them then go to another adult, another friend, a counselor, teacher, spiritual advisor and let them know what is going on. What ever you do don't just drop it. Watch for change in appearance, behavior, if they start giving things away that mean something to them. These are just a few signs they might be contemplating suicide without saying it.
The best advice is do the things Jenni has listed. Refer them to the places she mentioned. Sometimes just listening helps, sometimes they just need to talk things through, but don't take the chance. Use the information Jenni has supplied. When I was a lot younger I lost 3 friends to suicide. I just wish I had the info that Jenni has taken the time to provide. My life was never the same without my friends. I eventually worked through it, but it wasn't easy.

Thank you, Charles Rocket!!!

JABB 200

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)