A 'Touched By An Angel' Story

By: Yvette Jessen

© 2001 and not intended to infringe on any previously held copyrights. This is an amateur publication.

*~*~*~*

Michael Farrow sat at his computer, it had been a long day and he was exhausted. He worked with computers for a large firm in Salt Lake City and it seemed as though he was constantly expected to work late at night on the various new machines for this company. It was a pretty boring job, but he always figured that that was why they called it 'work'. If it were fun, then it would have to be called something else.

Sometimes, he would waste an hour or so online and begin surfing the web looking for antiques. He found groups of people there who collected them as well as things that ranged from fan clubs to church groups to electronic enthusiasts. It was no secret, he could read just about anything, perhaps that was the reason people considered him to be smart and many would email him with questions about all different topics.

His passion was with antiques and anything of historical significance. Although he was only 34-years-old, he loved collecting things that dated back to the 1800's. His prided possession was a large oriental rug from 1879, and for most of his friends, it was strange that he would work with computers, but also love antiques. His family always said that that was Mike's special uniqueness, which drew him to this kind of lifestyle.

At any rate, he had gone online that evening, not really expecting too much to happen, but figuring that it would be a great way to pass the time. While he was surfing, he discovered an interesting fan club for a television series called 'Angelic Promises' and somehow he wandered into that particular chat room. It never really occurred to him that there were so many fan clubs for television shows, but he figured that if he were to go into a room, he might actually learn about what kinds of programs they played these days.

He had not watched television since his went on the fritz since earlier that year, and up to that evening, he simply had no desire to have it repaired.

As he came into the channel, he smiled slightly. This seems to be a normal channel, he thought to himself, when he read the name of the other occupant of the chat room. There was only one other person named Andrew in that room and it was nice to see a real name and not just some generic nicknames which normally were jumbles of letters slammed together to create strange new words. Somehow even after he greeted the other occupant in the room, there was no reciprocating response and he guessed that this person had stepped away from the computer for some time.

He waited close to five minutes for Andrew to reply to him, but when no response came, he figured that this guy was most likely one of those folks who were either constantly online, addicted to the Internet, or had 20 different windows open at the same time, and was unable or unwilling to reply.

Right as Michael was about to leave the room, someone else did come in. It appeared to be a young person, because the nickname was simply 'downhearted' and most people his age would probably go by either their full first name or shortened versions of it. He had entered the name 'Mike' as his username, so most people would know that his name was actually Michael.

Please don't leave; the words suddenly appeared on the screen, as he was about to exit the room. He had no intention of sticking around if that other guy did not wish to speak to him. Help me please, I need someone to talk to, appeared on the next line and he could see that the person who had typed this was the individual who had just entered the chat room.

He sighed deeply thinking that he really should get back to work, but sensing this person's need to speak to someone, he began to type. What can I do to help you?

Please, just talk to me, I'm so confused right now, the reply came back up.

OK, I'm here and will help you if I can, he typed. What's wrong?

Have you ever felt like there was no hope left; that your life was over? The words appeared on the screen.

Everyone has those feelings at one time or another, he typed, but that doesn't mean that you should give up.

Who are you? The words appeared again. I mean are you a guy or girl?

Mike smiled, and realized that this was obviously a child who was reaching out across the links of cyberspace for some last grasp of hope. He shook his head sadly, but began to type, his words striving to help this child begin to speak of his or her problems. I'm a guy.

As he pressed 'return' he sighed sadly. Somehow, he knew that there existed children who seemed to fall between the cracks of society. They were either in pain, felt alone or lost and were unable to find a trustworthy adult to talk to. It pained him to see a child in such turmoil. I'm 34-years-old, he typed, and maybe I can help offer you a little bit of insight.

I'm 13, the response came back and Mike nodded, somehow just from reading those previous words this person had typed, he could tell that it was, in fact, a child.

I somehow get the feeling that your name is not really 'downhearted', but rather that you feel this way right now, he typed.

Yeah, my real name is Inna, the words appeared.

What can I do to give you a little bit of hope, Inna?

I don't know if there's anything you can do. I have no hope left, I feel alone and I'm at the point that I'm ready to kill myself. I can't go on any longer. Everything is really awful and none of my family or friends seem to even care.

What can I do to keep you from doing that? He sighed deeply as he finished typing and began to run his hand across his mouth. All the while, he wondered why it was that the third occupant of this chat room was not speaking or responding. He could really have used a little bit of help at this point and part of him was tempted to shout out to this Andrew and ask that he please say something.

Oh come on, Andrew, you can't just sit there and read this without offering her some kind of help, he thought to himself and ran his hand through his short dark hair.

I don't know what to do, Mike, I can't talk to my parents and I feel just terrible about everything. It feels like no one even cares, her words came up again.

I care, that's why I'm here, Inna. I take it there is no one you can really talk to? His question emerged in his typed words. Not even a preacher or counselor? I mean sometimes it's easier to find someone that you can look in the eyes of and speak to them honestly than to go online.

There's no one. Came the response. Nobody cares for me. I might as well be dead.

*~*~*~*

Andrew, the Angel of Death continued to watch his computer screen and could see the heartrending words of the young girl named Inna appearing there as she confided her troubles to a perfect stranger named Mike. He shook his head as he read the words of the man who seemed to be offering a lending ear to the girl who simply needed to speak of her troubles.

"Angel Boy, what are you doing in here, it's after midnight?" The question invaded his thoughts and he turned around to see Tess standing in the living room of the apartment where they had been living for the duration of this assignment.

"Nothing Tess, I was just sitting here in the 'Angelic Promises' chat room," he said softly.

"'Angelic Promises'," she began. "What on earth is that?"

"Oh I know what it is," Monica said as she heard their voices and came out into the living room. "That's a television show about two people who are sent from God to go and help people. It's sort of a fictionalized version of what we do. I hear that it's really big right now, and that there are fan groups all over the place for it."

Andrew nodded. "Yes, I think that's what it is."

"So what is this about? Are you in a chat room to tell them the flaws in their favorite television program from an expert point of view?" Tess asked sarcastically giving the indication to the other two angels that she didn't have any desire to learn anything else about cyberspace.

"No, they're not even talking about the show," Andrew said. "Inna and Mike don't even know each other, and look at this, she's confiding things in him that some people wouldn't even confide in their best friends."

Monica leaned over to read, the color draining from her face as the girl's words came through Andrew's computer. I stole some sleeping pills from my mom's medicine cabinet last night and thought about taking them. I figured that would be a painless way to end it all.

Tess shook her head. "She's telling this to a virtual stranger?"

Andrew nodded. "I was reading the channel since she came in and yes, they are complete strangers. I'll log it and you can read it yourself." Once he saved the conversation, he looked at Tess sadly. "This child really has no hope left."

Tess looked at the two of them and nodded her head, her Angel Boy was right; she did have no hope left. "Andrew, your assignment is in Forest Falls, Connecticut, and Miss Wings, we're heading to Salt Lake City, Utah."

"Why do we have to separate for this assignment, Tess?" Monica asked.

"Inna Cunningham lives in Forest Falls, and I have to go there in case she tries to commit suicide," Andrew said sadly as he got the word that this girl would most likely try to end her life the following afternoon.

"And who's in Salt Lake City?" Monica asked.

"Mike Farrow," Tess said. "Apparently, our Angel Boy's computer fetish has landed us our next assignment."

Andrew nodded as he continued to look down at the computer screen and watched as Mike wished Inna a good night, and reminded her that she was never alone, and that God loved her. Andrew watched in amazement as Mike gave Inna his private email address and told her that if she wanted to chat with him some more, that she should simply email him and they would meet again online.

*~*~*~*

Inna walked out of the school the following afternoon. She hated junior high, all the other kids didn't seem to care about anything and no one seemed all that willing to talk to her. Perhaps that was why she spent so much time online. At least there, she found people to talk to about her problems. It was somehow easier to confide in a perfect stranger than it was to talk to someone like a counselor or teacher. Perhaps it was only that a stranger would not judge her the way other people seemed to do.

Across the schoolyard she could see other girls from her class, all of them seemed as bored with life as she was. There was nothing worse than being a teenager, she thought grimly. It was hard to determine what she really was, no longer a little girl, but also not a grown woman. She longed to have someone gather her in his or her arms and simply hold her. Her parents didn't do this, and she was often alone.

The Internet provided her at least something to do with her afternoons once school let out. Her parents had taught her how to use the computer as simply a way to keep her occupied and out of trouble when they were working. She learned when she was ten years old to navigate the web, and now she spent most of her time surfing in and out of chat rooms looking for people who would understand her.

Last night she had met Mike, just one of the people she had used to vent her frustrations. It was not like she would even meet him in that particular room again. Besides that, there were thousands of people that did this, and once she had vented to them, then it was time to move on to the next person and hope to tap their wisdom for some clue as what she could to do with herself. It was not like those anonymous individuals really cared for her.

"Hello," a voice jarred her out of her reverie and she looked up to see a handsome man standing next to her. He had shoulder length blonde hair, green eyes, and appeared to be in his mid 30's.

"Hi," she said softly.

"My name is Andrew," he began. "I'm the new school counselor."

Inna smiled weakly, and shrugged her shoulders, but looked at him somewhat defensively. "Do I look like I need a shrink?"

"No, it's called an introduction," he said smiling his eyes filled with compassion as he noticed that she had a rather 'rough around the edges' personality. As he looked around them, he couldn't help but notice that most of these young people appeared to have the same angry, and embittered disposition and this saddened him. In the last years, the young people tended to become even more angry and distant from their families, thus believing somehow that their parents hated them. Sadly, as an Angel of Death, he realized that the numbers of cases he would escort home had increased in the past years, and he wondered if this angry young girl would be the next person he would have to take to heaven.

"My name's Inna," she finally replied and looked at him somewhat afraid. "I just thought you might suspend me for being rude to you."

He smiled at her gently. "No, don't worry, that was not my intention."

"That's a relief, 'cause my parents would probably kill me," she whispered almost to herself, and then added. "Maybe you should, then it would save me the trouble."

As she walked slowly away, she did not see that Andrew had a completely horrified expression on his face. He turned to see a young woman coming over to him. "Hi, I'm Teri Henderson, I'm Inna's Math teacher."

"Hello," Andrew said trying to get over the initial shock of Inna's words.

"You're new here?" she asked.

"Yes, my name's Andrew," he said.

"Yeah I heard, you're the new counselor, correct?" she said.

"What else did you happen to hear?" He asked her smiling gently as he continued to watch the girl as she got on a bus to go home.

"I only heard that part," she said smiling. "I tend to keep my distance from Inna Cunningham outside of class. She's a pretty messed up kid."

"But is that a reason to not spend time with her? I thought that if a child is, as you say 'messed up' then they would need the help of a trustworthy adult," Andrew said softly.

"I agree on some points, but everyone around here knows she comes from the wrong side of the tracks. Her siblings are into drugs and alcohol and with that background; I'm actually surprised she's still in school. Her two older brothers and sister have already dropped out of school, and it appears as though all they do is get high and design strange websites for the Internet. Her parents just started an Internet café downtown, and apparently, she never sees them either, so she's just another kid who falls between the cracks."

Andrew nodded and looked at the teacher. "You know she's looking to strangers online for help because she cannot find it here?"

"I heard that a lot of kids actually do this," she said shrugging her shoulders.

"Yes, and although the Internet is a wonderful way to make friends from all over the world, does it not surprise you that children are using it to talk to strangers about their problems because they feel completely friendless in their own reality?" Andrew asked.

Teri shrugged her shoulders. "If I were to become a best friend to every kid that comes into my classroom, I wouldn't have the time to cope with my own things. I realize there are problems, but teachers aren't babysitters, we have families and private lives as well and there's no way we can take the role of the parents if they decide that they cannot fulfill their obligations."

"I'm not saying you should, Teri," Andrew said softly. "I know that you cannot save every child that walks through your door, but if Inna continues to not have anyone to turn to, she will end her life feeling lost and unloved."

"How do you know this?" she asked.

"I see the signs in her," he said simply. "I have counseled people who are dying, and I have spoken to people who have tried to end their lives, and Inna shows every sign of a child who is on the edge."

*~*~*~*

Mike arrived at home that afternoon and walked through the front door of his spacious apartment. He had just gotten off work and was looking forward to drinking a glass of lemonade and relaxing. He had finally gotten in to have his television repaired and now he was looking forward to seeing what might come on. He had been thinking about this since he had gotten that distressing message from the girl named Inna in the 'Angelic Promises' chat room and he wondered if he were to watch a few episodes that he might grasp what is happening with her.

He had prayed for her the night before, but ended up lying bed tossing and turning his thoughts consumed with why a young girl would go online looking for help and trying to find someone to talk to about these terrible problems she seemed to be facing.

"I'm not her father," he muttered, but somehow he could see the hopelessness in the situation as he went and turned on his computer. This is crazy, he thought sadly to himself, but he could not stop feeling horrible about the plight of the little girl he had met online the night before. He continued to wonder where she was and how she was doing.

As the computer booted up, he sat down on the chair and began to run his fingers through his hair, a voice startled him when a woman with an Irish accent greeted him. "Hello, Mike!" He abruptly turned around and was looking into the gentle brown eyes of a young auburn headed woman.

"Who are you?" he asked sensing something extraordinary about the woman, but unsure what that could be.

"I'm an angel, Mike. My name is Monica and I was sent from God to help you help Inna," Monica said.

"You know about her?" he asked.

"Yes, my friend Andrew was in the chat room with you last night," Monica said.

"That's right, there was a guy named Andrew in there. I guess I initially thought he was a rather unfriendly fellow. He didn't say anything and I kept hoping he would say something that might help her," Mike said.

"He's a bit on the quiet side, at the very least when he goes online," Monica said with a smile.

"I take it this friend of yours is an angel too?"

"Mm-hum," Monica nodded. "He's an Angel of Death."

"I'm not even going to ask why an Angel of Death would surf the Internet and show up on a fan club chat room for a television show," he muttered and looked at her. "There's a reason you're here, right. I mean you're not just to sit and talk to me about God or give me one of His messages, correct?"

Monica smiled and nodded. "Inna's considering suicide, Mike and I know you're worried about her and you know the lasting effects of this decision better than anyone else."

"Yeah, and I guess you know that my kid brother killed himself some twenty years ago. I sort of take threats of suicide pretty seriously," Mike said. "But what can I do? I mean, I can't work miracles or make people listen to me. I'm just some anonymous guy who surfs the web once in awhile looking for antiques."

"You underestimate yourself, Mike," Monica said. "I saw what you told Inna last night, and it was more beneficial to her than you could imagine."

"But, how do I know she'll even listen to me? I mean to a teenager, I'm just an old fuddy-duddy," Mike said. "I'll go to the chat room and if she's there, I'll try to talk to her, but I don't know how much good it's going to do."

"Please give it a try," Monica said encouragingly.

Mike nodded and logged onto the Internet. When he pointed his browser to 'Angelic Promises', and went into their chat room, he was not surprised when he realized that 'downhearted' was there.

Inna? He typed.

Hi. Was the only thing that came across the screen.

It's Mike and I've been thinking about you since last night. How are you?

The same, her words were short.

Mike looked at Monica, "What else should I tell her?"

Monica closed her eyes and after a few moments, she smiled. "Tell her that understand her better than she realizes."

Mike typed this, but the reply was not at all what he anticipated or hoped for.

No one could possibly understand me, so I've decided to do it. The words came on his screen.

You're going to try and end your life? His question was shadowed in sadness.

Yes. Was the almost immediate answer. "Tonight. I came here to tell you good-bye, and to thank you for helping me last night.

If I was any good at helping you, then you would give me a chance to tell you not to try and end your life, that you are of far more worth alive. If you are determined to do this, Inna, tell me where you are? he typed frantically.

What difference does it make where I am?

The difference is, if I know where you are, I could come and visit you. Then we could sit down and talk to each other face to face and maybe I can help you find a healthier solution to your problems. He typed the words.

Why would you do that?

I guess that's just the way I am. I know that this is hard for you, and I'm willing to help you get through it, that's why I would be willing to drop everything and come see you.

Why?

OK, there's another reason why I feel this way. My younger brother killed himself 20 years ago this month, and I never did that for him. As he finished typing this, Monica squeezed his shoulder encouragingly. You know, suicide does not just have an effect on the person who wishes to end their life, but it also has an impact on the family and friends that person leaves behind.

But I have nobody.

You do, Inna, as much as you may not want to believe it, you have a family, and you have friends. I'm your friend, at least I want to be your friend and help you.

But, why? You don't even know me. I'm just some pathetic kid you met online in a chat room for a stupid TV show.

The reason I am doing this is because I care for you, and because I know right now, more than ever before, you need a friend who will stand by you through it all, Mike typed.

I live in Forest Falls, Connecticut. Inna's painful words eventually drifted across the screen and Mike sighed with relief.

Inna, promise me, you won't try to harm yourself until I come, OK? Will you promise me that? His question flowed across the screen and internally he hoped that she would make this promise, and also keep it.

I can't. Her words were like a dagger in his heart.

Listen, I'm going to try to book a flight for tonight, no matter what it costs, I'm coming to Forest Falls. I want us to talk to each other face to face, and I swear by God that I would do absolutely nothing to hurt you. He typed those words, and Monica could see the desperation in those words. Would you agree?

At that moment he sighed sadly when he realized that she had logged out of the room and he was left sitting in the empty chat room. He sighed deeply and turned to see that Monica had once again disappeared. "OK, God, you sent me an angel, so I'm going to put this completely in your hands. Should I go to Forest Falls?"

When the airline price list suddenly came up on his screen, he nodded. "Thanks for the prompt answer." He smiled slightly and booked his flight for that evening. As he left his credit card number, he hoped with all his might that Inna would still be alive when he got there.

*~*~*~*

Inna had just turned off the computer and was looking at the wall, her eyes filling with tears as soon as she was no longer online. She had never seen one of those online people face to face, and Mike seemed so determined to get her to talk to him. This was so strange, but at the same time, scary. Never in her life had she seen someone who would care so much for her, much less someone who was a stranger.

She looked around the room and as she stood there with a bottle of pills in her hand, Andrew appeared in the room, but was unseen by her.

"Don't Inna, please don't," Andrew whispered softly under his breath and he sighed with relief as he watched her attempt to open the bottle and could not. After a few moments of trying, she threw the bottle against the wall.

The small glass bottle shattered from the impact and the capsules skidded across the desk and onto the floor. She reached for two of them and without thinking, she swallowed them as she sank to her knees and began to cry once again, her entire body trembling. "I hate my life," she sobbed. "Everything hurts so much, and I feel so trapped."

Ten minutes later the pills had apparently started to take effect and she collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Andrew was still standing in one corner of the room, and he approached her slowly and got down on his knees beside her his hand gentle as he touched her shoulder.

Inna, he spoke, his voice entering her thoughts and after a few moments she opened her eyes and could see Andrew was kneeling down beside her with his hand on her shoulder.

As she became unconsciously aware that he was now speaking to her, she looked up and could see him clearer, his green eyes filled with sadness as he beheld her. She could say nothing, the lump in her throat and her wide eyes indicating her intense fear.

Don't be afraid, Inna, my name is Andrew, and I'm an angel sent from God to be with you. The soft voice flooded through her mind and the loving assurances from Andrew penetrated all her thoughts.

The girl nodded numbly, still not trusting herself to say anything to him. After a few moments of silence, she could feel that the angel had removed his hand from her shoulder and had taken her gently in his arms and was now holding her.

I know you're in so much pain, but try to put that pain in God's hands, Inna. He loves you so much and wants to be there for you. Andrew whispered to her.

After a few moments he could hear Inna's soft voice. I'm not worth the love of God.

You are, Inna. You are of so much worth, you just don't believe it because you've heard the false words from other people. I was in that chat room when you and Mike were speaking to one another last night. Andrew said gently. God loves you, little one, He loves you so much that He somehow made it possible for you to speak to Mike about what was weighing heavily on you. After I read how you were feeling, God sent me to be with you, and to help you through all of this and that's why I'm here.

Am I dead? She asked.

No, but there is a chance that you could die. That is why I am here, I'm an Angel of Death, and was sent to help you. If you want to live, then you must fight the effect these pills are having on your body. He looked down at her. If you want to live, ask God for the strength you need and He will give it graciously.

I'm afraid, her tiny voice was shaking and she looked into the compassionate eyes of the angel. I made God mad at me.

No, honey, you only hurt Him when you took those pills, but He's not mad at you. Inna, He loves you so much, and He wants you to know that you are never alone. Perhaps it is because you felt alone that you did this, but God loves you, you're his precious child.

Inna began to weep bitterly in the arms of the angel. As Andrew held her gently in his embrace, he could feel that she had wrapped her small arms around him and held tightly to him, her face buried against his jacket, the tears falling and landing there. Nobody ever said that to me before.

It's the truth, Inna.

Why was Mike so nice to me? she asked after a few moments, her tiny voice shaking. No one online has ever been so nice to me?

I don't know, Inna. I would guess because he cares for you, just as I care for you. However, perhaps you should one day ask him this question. Andrew said gently as he helped to lay her back down on the floor.

Inna misinterpreted his actions and reached out to him. No, don't go, please, I'm afraid.

I'm not going to leave you, sweetheart. Just lie still, someone is coming and they will help you. Andrew's voice was soft and gentle and he rested his hand gently on her shoulder and waited.

Do you think I will live? The fragile child asked him as she felt the love emanating from him.

At that moment, before Andrew could offer her an answer, one of Inna's brothers came into her room and spotted her sprawled on the floor. Without hesitating, he went to call an ambulance, and within minutes, three paramedics had arrived, come inside the apartment, moved Inna to a gurney and took her downstairs in order to transport her to the hospital.

Andrew remained with her the entire time, whispering his loving assurances to her and this offered her a sense of calmness in the deeply imbedded fear that raged through her body.

*~*~*~*

Mike managed to get on a flight to Forest Falls that evening and he called the firm where he worked in order to take a week's vacation. As the afternoon passed quickly, he packed his suitcase, his thoughts completely consumed with doubt. He trusted that God would give him the right words to say when the time came, but it was not easy for him to completely trust without feeling the nervous effects resulting from his actions.

Before leaving his apartment with his luggage, he picked up a small journal and stuffed it into his carry-on bag. This he planned to give to Inna when he would see her. He had discovered a long time ago that writing in a journal actually helped him when it came to coping with problems. He had done this ever since his brother's death, and he had about five or six books filled with reflections and ideas.

Finishing the task of packing his things for the trip, he grabbed his keys and stuffed them in the pocket of his trench coat before opening the front door and stepping out into the hallway.

Once he was standing out in the hallway and was pulling the door closed, he locked it and as he turned around, he could see that Monica had reappeared and was now standing there with another, older woman.

"You disappeared before I could even contemplate what to do, Monica," he said softly, but smiled when he noted that she and her friend were nodding approvingly at him.

"I know, Mike," Monica said smiling gently at him. "But, you already had made your decision, and it was the right one."

"I suppose you know that I decided to fly to Forest Falls, tonight, then?" He asked.

"Yes, baby, we both know. I take it, you will need a ride to the airport?" the older of the two women asked.

"Actually, I do. I was going to call a cab, but I have been so frantic with getting ready, that I forgot," he said and smiled gratefully at them. He looked at Tess as they walked towards the stairwell. "I take it you're, uh like her?" Instead of saying the word, he moved his hands in small waving motions, which were more or less imitations of small fluttering wings. The motion he made was actually the sign for 'angel' in sign language.

Tess smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm an angel, too, Mike. My name is Tess and God wants you to know that he is very proud of you and what you are trying to do for Inna."

Mike picked up the small duffle bag and the suitcase he had carried out of his apartment. "It's a crazy idea, but she needs someone and from talking to her last night, she has lost all hope. I guess I thought that maybe I could give a small amount of it back to her," he sighed deeply, but followed them down the hall and towards the stairs. "I don't know what I'll do when I get there, because I don't even have a name or address for her."

"It would probably be wise for you to go to the hospital," Monica said softly.

"Did she try to commit suicide?" he asked weakly.

"Yes, she tried this afternoon, Mike, and our friend, the one I told you about, is with her now," Monica said gently.

"I failed," he whispered. "I couldn't get through to her. Maybe I should have tried telling her about David."

"You didn't fail, Mike, you knew that she was in a lot of pain, and now you're trying to help her in any way you can. She has not died, in fact, I believe she took only two pills, which for her size might cause only a little harm to her, but if she had taken one more, she would have died." Tess rested her hand on his shoulder. "Mike, you are far from being considered a failure. You did far more for that little girl than most of the people she knows would have done."

He could only sigh sadly in response to her words. Moments later, they came outside the building and the elder of the two angels led him to her prided red convertible.

"Nice car," he said.

"It's my baby," Tess said proudly.

Mike nodded. "I have a friend who would be overjoyed to have a car like this."

Tess smiled as she patted the hood of the car affectionately. "As long as I have to walk around as a human, I will hold on to this car."

"I don't blame you," Mike offered smiling weakly. "She's a beauty."

Tess beamed as she once again patted the hood of the car.

*~*~*~*

Throughout the night, Inna slipped in and out of consciousness. Andrew remained with her, his hand tightly holding hers, and the disillusionment that her parents were not with her evident in his worried eyes.

He often wondered what had happened to Inna's brother, but rather than go and search for him, he remained in the company of his assignment. It seemed that by pumping her stomach, the doctors had managed to get all the traces of the sleeping pills out of her system, but she still slept.

Andrew? Are you still there? Her question broke his solitary thoughts and he looked down at her.

What is it, Inna? He asked squeezing her hand.

Nobody's here, except you, right? She asked and Andrew could tell that though she was not asking directly, she was implying whether or not her parents and siblings were coming to be with her.

I'm sorry, honey, but I haven't seen anyone in your family since we arrived here, He whispered softly. I'm certain that they will eventually come and see you.

No they won't. I tried this once before, and they didn't come except to bring me home from the hospital. Then after that, they didn't even care what happened to me, they only got mad because they considered me to be stupid and immature. She said, her voice cracking. I had tried but it had scared me so much.

Did you see an angel during this time?

Yeah, and I thought at first that he was mad at me, her words emerged and she began to cry. His name was Adam and he wasn't as nice to me as you have been. I was so scared, and I thought I had done everything wrong. He talked to me a little, but aside from that, we didn't say too much to each other. I was scared to say anything to him that would make him mad.

Try not to be too hard on him, Inna. It hurts any Angel of Death to see someone try to end his or her lives, and I can guarantee that Adam was never angry with you. I believe what you interpreted as anger, was his own hurting because he could do nothing to convince you to not to do it. He's really a very loving angel, and he's also a friend of mine, Andrew said in defense of his friend.

I'm sorry… her words trailed.

You must not apologize, Inna, he said as he ruffled her hair. You did not know this, and I know that you were a little younger then, but, you must understand that for an Angel of Death, a suicide is probably the hardest death for us to see and for a child to end their lives, is almost unbearable.

Were you there when I took those pills?

Yes I was, and Adam was there with you when you made your first attempt. Andrew said gently.

Why didn't Adam tell me these things?

Because it is how he is. He was there for you, and he wanted to concentrate all his energy on you and how you felt, not on burdening you with his concerns. I'm only telling you these things because you asked me, and I would never ever lie to you, Andrew said gently.

I wish I hadn't done it, but I'm so lonely. I don’t have any friends, and the other kids at school could care less, Inna said softly. That's why I started going online and talking to people there, because it was easier to talk to a stranger than it was to talk to my family. I used to wonder if I was just being punished because of it.

Was it really so hard for you?

Yeah, my parents are always at the café, and my brothers and sisters are always high. It's terrible. I know that people around here talk trash about my family, but just because my brothers and sister do these things doesn't mean that I do. My teachers used to tell me that I was good at stuff, but now they act as though I don't even exist. The only people who seem to care were those people I met through the Internet and even then, I wonder if they would really like me.

Her words struck him, and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. I'll tell you this, Inna, I really like you and I can look you in the eyes and say that.

The little girl smiled, but at that moment, Monica and Tess appeared in the room. "Andrew?"

He glanced up, but continued to hold the child's hand and waited for his friends to tell him what was happening.

"Mike is coming here, we saw him off at the airport a couple of hours ago, and he will be here in about two hours. Should we direct him here once his flight lands?" Monica asked.

"Yes, she's alone and needs someone to give her a least a little more courage to live," Andrew said.

"OK, come on Miss Wings," Tess said and the two of them disappeared leaving Andrew with Inna.

Who's here? Inna's question brought him back to his conversation. My parents?

I'm sorry, honey, but it wasn't your parents. My friends were here, and they came to see how you were doing and to give me some news.

I guess it was wishful thinking for me to believe that my parents even care…

Oh Inna, they do, just in their own way. Andrew could by this time feel the extent of her hopelessness and he wondered if he was even helping her. The words of the Father said that he was and that he should continue speaking to her until Mike came.

Andrew, would you be here if you didn't have to? She asked weakly.

I would, Inna, you're a very special person, you must not believe otherwise. I know you are in so much pain, and regardless of what happens, I'll be with you and will help you through whatever comes. Do you trust me?

There was a hesitation, but then her small voice emerged. Yes.

I'm glad. He squeezed her hand once again. That means a lot to me.

Andrew, if I live through this, I'll never consider suicide again.

That makes me very happy to hear you say this, Inna, and God is also pleased, but your fight is not yet over. Tell me what you have to live for. What one thing would you say would make your life worth living?

I don't know, she whispered softly. The only thing I can think of is that you seem to want me to live, and I don't want to make you sad.

*~*~*~*

Two hours later, Mike's plane landed and Tess and Monica were there to meet him. He realized that they had it easier than he because if they wanted to go across the country, they could appear and disappear at will, whereas he had to take the plane. He smiled when he came out into the terminal and greeted them.

"How was your flight?" Monica asked.

"Boring," Mike said honestly. "I forgot to pack a book to read, and the movie was about as interesting as eating dandelions."

Tess smiled. "Well, we'd better get you to the hospital, then and don't worry about the hotel, because we've already checked you a room at a nearby hotel. Here's the key."

"Thank you so much for your help. I wouldn't have known where to start without having a little divine intervention," he said gratefully as he accepted the key and they walked to Tess' car.

Once they got in, she drove to the hospital. He sat in the backseat in silence his thoughts continuing to encompass him as he looked down at the journal he carried.

When they arrived at the hospital, Tess smiled gently at him. "When you get inside, Mike, ask for the room for Inna Cunningham. I'll take your belongings to the hotel."

He nodded and got out of the car and went quietly inside. When he got to the information desk, he smiled weakly and began to speak. "Can you tell me what room Inna Cunningham is in?"

"Are you family?" the nurse asked.

"No, I'm a friend of hers," Mike said.

"Visiting hours have been over since eight," the nurse said.

"I understand," he said softly. "The truth is, I just flew in this evening from Salt Lake City because I heard that she was in some kind of trouble."

"I'll say," the nurse muttered under her breath.

"Has any of her family been in to see her?" he asked.

The woman looked at the computer and after a few moments, she shook her head. "As far as I know, no one has been here at all, and it looks as though the government will have to step in and take her case. It's sad really, she's only 13, and alone."

"Please let me go and see her," he said.

"How is it that a 13-year-old child from Forest Falls would have a friend from Salt Lake City who looks to be twice her age?" The nurse asked.

"Just call it the secrets of modern technology," Mike said, his voice getting urgent. "Please, I'll answer all your questions, but I would like to see Inna first."

The nurse could see the urgency in the man's eyes, and after thinking about his words she finally nodded and he released a sigh of relief. She called to her colleague to relieve her and she came out from behind the desk. "I'll have to take you upstairs to see her, because it would not be advisable for you to wander around here without having someone on staff with you."

Mike agreed and they walked towards the elevator.

As they rode up to the floor where Inna was, she looked at him. "Where did you meet her?"

"In the 'Angelic Promises' chat room two nights ago," he said.

"And you flew all the way from Salt Lake City to here, just to see her?" The nurse asked.

"I recognized her cry for help," Mike said simply. "My brother David killed himself twenty years ago, and I could not prevent it then, and as it happened, I got a message from a girl who called herself 'downhearted' and sensed that she needed to talk. When she told me earlier today that she was going to try, I came here to try and persuade her not to."

The elevator reached the floor and they stepped outside and in the corridor. "I take it that you take suicide threats very seriously."

"Yes, I do," he replied simply as they reached a door.

"This is her room," the nurse said and smiled weakly. "That's a lucky little girl, she has a friend who would travel across the country to help her."

Mike shrugged his shoulders but walked slowly inside the room. Once he closed the door behind him he approached the small girl in the hospital bed. As he sat down in a chair near the bed, he looked up and his sad blue eyes met Andrew's and he smiled weakly and took Inna's limp hand.

"You should just talk to her, Mike, she can hear you," Andrew said.

The man seated by the bed nodded. "I don't know what to say."

"Tell her what weighs on your heart," Andrew said gently.

"Hello, Inna, it's Mike, I came out here just as I promised," he smiled gently down at her as he brushed her hair from her face. "You're a very pretty girl, Inna, and very brave one too. You trusted a perfect stranger with the pain that you carried in your heart and such a thing to do is never easy to do."

"She feels that she has nothing left to live for," Andrew whispered.

"I heard that the government will probably take you away from your family," Mike said softly. "I'm sorry to hear this, and when I came out here, I didn't know that things were this bad for you and that the Internet was your way of finding acceptance." He sighed sadly as he continued to speak. "Inna, I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself, and then we can decide together when you wake up what will happen, but I think you know that with this, I would be willing to take care of you."

Taking a deep breath, Mike began to speak. "My real name is Michael Andrew Farrow, I was born on August 20, 1964 and grew up in Salt Lake City. I'm the oldest in a family of six children. I have two sisters, Rachel and Elizabeth, and I had three brothers, Karl, Richard, and David. When I was 14, David slipped into a depression and ended up killing himself. Ever since then, I have been trying to understand suicide, and at the same time, developing a love for God, and learning how to cope with the loss that left a resounding impact on my family. I work as a computer programmer for a large firm out there, and I collect antiques. I guess I'm a pretty boring guy, but one thing is clear. When I went into that chat room two days ago and met you, my life changed."

Andrew listened and as he did, he could sense a strength emerging from the frightened young girl. "She knows now that she's not alone. Keep talking to her, Mike, it will lead her back."

Mike nodded and continued to speak. "I realized that in a way I too am lonely. I have a close relationship with my family, but aside from them, I don't have a lot of friends, and I guess in a way I go online for the same reasons you do, to find friends who share those feelings. It's a strange thing, the Internet. You never know who you'll meet there, you just might even meet an angel or two." He looked at Andrew and smiled weakly, but looked down at the girl as she slept. "I can see that Andrew is here, and like two nights ago, he's one of few words, but I guess I've learned that just because someone doesn't speak, doesn't mean they ever stopped caring."

"But, he does," the voice was very weak, and Mike looked down to see that Inna had started to wake up.

"Inna?" he whispered her name.

"Andrew? Mike?" she moaned.

The angel smiled down at her. "We're both here, honey."

The girl licked her dry lips as a doctor came into the room. "Ah, so nice to see that you're awake," he said as Mike moved around to the opposite side of the bed and stood next to Andrew. As soon as the doctor had examined her, he smiled at Mike and left the room.

Once he was gone, Mike poured some water into a glass and brought it to her. "Here you look like you could use some of this."

Inna reached out and took the glass. Once she had drank the cool liquid, she looked at him. "You came all this way just for me?"

Mike blushed slightly, and Andrew looked down at her. "He did just that. You see, Inna, there are people who do care for you, some of them you simply haven't met yet. Mike, what you have done is an example for all people and God is smiling down on both of you this night. He is very pleased that the two of you have found your way to one another and that friendship is a gift."

The young girl nodded and looked at Andrew. "I'll remember that and my promise to you every day, Andrew. I love you."

"I love you too," he said gently as he squeezed her shoulder and smiled at her. "I'm glad you found the courage to continue living, Inna. One day I'll take you home, but I would hope that will not be for a long time." He disappeared leaving her and Mike alone.

"Did you know that he was in the room with us?" Inna asked.

"I know because I met his friends," Mike said and took her hand gently in his. "Inna, you'll never be alone. God's always with you, and He loves you so much that He sent His angels to watch over both of us."

"He did?"

"Yes, and one of them drives a red convertible," he smiled but after a few moments, he looked at her, his eyes earnest. "Let me ask you a question?"

"What?"

"What were you thinking when you took those pills?"

"I don't know. I guess about how alone I felt, and how hard life was," she whispered.

"Now, you have someone who will listen and who will understand you," he said. "I think I need you as much as you need me. So, what's say we stick together and see if we can overcome those things?"

"You mean?"

"Mm-hum," he smiled gently. "Have you ever been to Salt Lake City?"

"No," she whispered.

"If we can work it out, would you like to go there?" he asked.

"Why?"

"Well, in all honesty things aren't looking so good for you here, so I've been thinking if you want to give it a try, maybe you could come and stay with me for awhile. Now, I'm not much of a father figure, but I will always listen to you and will always be there for you when you need someone."

"Do you think they'll let me?" she asked weakly.

"Well, I think if it's what we both want, then there shouldn't be any problems," he said gently.

*~*~*~*

A week later, Inna and Mike arrived at his apartment building in Salt Lake City. Somehow everything had been quickly arranged, and though there initially was problem with Mike being single, they were somehow able to persuade the authorities that he would be a good parent to a young teenage girl. In addition, Inna had told them what had happened at home and that she really wanted to stay with him. Having explained that Mike woke her up after a suicide attempt helped in their argument, and that morning, she was legally placed in his care and they made their plans to return home.

Somehow, both of them were convinced that through their prayers and beliefs, that God had come through for them, and allowed them a chance to make a new start.

As they went up the stairs to his apartment, Mike was smiling as he pulled the key from his pocket and opened the door.

"It's not much," he said, "but it's home."

They went inside and Inna took in her new surroundings. "I like it," she said. "It feels comfortable and friendly."

Mike smiled. "Come on, I'll show you your room."

Once they had settled her into her new room, they came out into the living room. "Mike, can we check the 'Angelic Promises' website?"

"Sure, but not too long, I'm hungry, and I thought that we could go and get some Chinese Food and watch something on TV together," he suggested.

Inna nodded and they set up Mike's laptop. Once it was turned on, they logged onto the Internet and she looked at him. "What kind of nickname should we use?"

Mike smiled weakly, "I don't know, I usually go by 'Mike', and never really thought about putting anything else. I guess I'm kind of boring."

"No, you're not, but I do have an idea." As they logged into the chat room, Inna had entered their name as 'Fulfillment'.

"Nice," Mike said softly and squeezed her shoulder. "It's a lot nicer than 'downhearted'."

Inna nodded, but after a few seconds, she called out to him again. "Mike, Andrew's on line. It's his name there, but he's still not saying anything."

Mike looked down at the names of the two occupants who were in the room. He reached over and typed something. It was a small string of letters with a question mark behind it. AoD?

Yes, was the reply that came back.

"It's him, Inna, tell him whatever you want and though he may not answer, he will know it's you," Mike said gently.

"What did you type?" she asked.

"AoD is a shortened abbreviation for 'Angel of Death'," Mike explained. "I knew who he really was, and that he comforted you when you needed him when you were in the hospital."

Inna nodded and began to type. I love you, Andrew! Thank you for being there for me and for coming back to this chat room to see us again. You changed my life, and now Mike and I are together, and life is really as wonderful as you tried to convince me it was. I know now what I have to live for.

What?

Love! There are people who care for me, and who will be there for me, but that I can be there for them too. You were right, because now I know I'm not alone.

God loves you too, Inna. Andrew's words appeared on the computer screen.

I know He does now, because I am in Utah now and Mike is going to be my dad, she typed. Thank you for always being there for me, and when you see Adam again, please tell him about my promise.

As she continued typing and had sent the message, a third name appeared in the box of occupants in the channel, and all she saw appear on the screen from this person was a smiling face which was directly next to the nameAdam.

After Adam had left the room, Inna looked at Mike. "He knows!"

"Who knows?" Mike asked.

"Adam was the angel that was with me the first time I tried to kill myself, and I just told Andrew that he should tell Adam that I would never ever try to commit suicide again. Well, as I was typing this, Adam came into the channel and look what he said!"

Mike looked down at the computer screen and could see what Adam had typed. He could also see that Andrew had typed one last message to them and had left the channel as well. The words, I love you both, and God is very proud of you, was now on the screen and once he left, they were alone in the channel.

As they both looked at the smiling face next to Adam's name, Mike ruffled Inna's hair. "This promise you have made not only makes these special angels happy, Inna, it also makes me happy."

They stared at the screen for a few minutes and then Inna logged them out. "I think the next time I go online it will be to help the people like you helped me. I realized that you were right, it is much better to talk one's problems out face to face."

"And you actually questioned your own worth?" he asked smiling.

"Sometimes I guess I did," she said softly.

"Well, now you can stop, because you are of so much worth that a man would willingly travel across the country with the sole intention of being there for you." He smiled. "I'll even tell you a secret."

"What?"

"I'm deathly afraid of flying," he said blushing slightly.

"And you overcame that to come see me?" she asked weakly.

"Mm-hum, and as you saw, the angels came from heaven to show you the extent of your worth," Mike said gently. "If you can bring out the emotion of love in a stranger, then you too are special and you must never ever forget that."

As she could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks, he took her in his arms and held her. There she allowed herself to cry, but instead of weeping from the pain she experienced, this was a healing release of emotion and she finally had what she wanted and needed; the love of another person to help her through the painful parts of growing up. There she remained; for this was the homecoming she truly wanted.

*~*~*~*

Dear Reader,

There are really people out there who will go online looking to find the counseling and/or solutions to their problems. Some of these problems being as serious as suicide, drug abuse, addiction, stress, and other such issues, which leave a resounding impact on the young people of today. Many of these individuals who seek out this kind of help and understanding are, in fact, young children and teenagers. They feel lost and without hope as they seek out the guidance of strangers who might lend them a compassionate ear.

This doesn't just happen on those websites and chat rooms, which deal with suicide, struggles, and death, but also on fan club websites for television programs. "Touched By An Angel" leaves it's impact, that is a given, for it was on one such 'Touched By An Angel' fan organized chat room that created the basic concept for this story. This is in fact, a story based on one such child and how she sought out the advice from a stranger who was left with the only option of turning over all these heavy burdens to God.

The names and personalities of the individuals of course have been changed and many fictitious scenarios were added. If something in this piece contains anything factual, it is purely coincidental, but this story is dedicated to the child who inspired it. May it give you the courage, 'Little One', to never give up and to always know that God does love you!

Love and Light,

Yvette Jessen

Rüsselsheim, Germany

February 7, 2001

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