A 'Touched by an Angel' story

By: Yvette Jessen

© 2001 not intended to infringe on any previously held copyrights.

Please Note: This story is the eighteenth in a sequence of stories, which I have written, which are centered on my character, Christina, her family and friends. The first one is entitled ‘The Innocence of a Child’, the second ‘A Little Girl’s Wish’, the third ‘The Senior Prom’, the fourth 'Stealing Second', the fifth 'Another Halloween Night', the sixth 'An Overdue Appointment', the seventh 'Homecoming', the eighth 'Solitary Without Hope', the ninth 'Making the Grade', the tenth 'Till Death Do Us Part', the eleventh 'Olivia's Battle', the twelfth 'In the Father's Arms', the thirteenth 'The Healing Spirit', the fourteenth 'Fulfilled Promises', the fifteenth 'Pennies From Heaven', the sixteenth, 'The Father's Little Ones', and the seventeenth, 'In the Heart of a Dreamer'.

*****

Forward: This story does have aspects within it that deal with the issues of homosexuality and hate crimes however, there is nothing contained within it that goes beyond a PG rating, and anything dealing with violence is done through a third person perspective, rather than active actions taking place. In other words, there is no blood and gore in this story.

However, with the above in mind, this particular piece may still not be suitable for all readers. Therefore, please exercise discretion with regards to reading it, and please do not send religious based feedback about my treatment of the characters here. This is a fiction story and if anything resembles something factual, then it is coincidental. However, in writing about this important issue, I tried to keep it in the spirit of TBAA. Therefore, it is an issue, which I will not enter into debate over.

With that said, and if you're still interested…enjoy.

*****

Three days after Patrick's death, Laura had shut herself in her room and it seemed as though she was unable or unwilling to talk to anyone, not even her new boyfriend, Sebastian. It was obvious to everyone in the house that the young man was worried, but could not persuade her to come out. Now, the day of the funeral had arrived and he wondered almost constantly if she would even be able to go.

The family was getting ready to go to the church, and Sebastian was standing outside of Laura's bedroom door, his sad hazel eyes speaking volumes as Andrew came up the stairs and reached where he was standing.

"Is she still locked inside?" The angel asked weakly, when he saw the worry on Sebastian's face.

"I've tried everything, but ever since Patrick died, she hasn't spoken to me," Sebastian said sadly. "I know this must be killing her, but in the back of my mind I can't let go of the fact that I hurt her, and I truly didn't mean to, Andrew."

"She knows, Sebastian, but sometimes guilt has a way of taking hold of someone and making them feel the pain, which will turn out alright if only they are able to find the strength that is needed in order to let go," Andrew said gently. "You go on down, and let me see if I can get her to open the door."

"She trusts you more than she does me," Sebastian said sadly.

"Give her some time, OK?" Andrew said gently as he placed a gentle hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "I've known Laura since she was a little girl, and she's been through a great deal since then, but give her some time, and eventually she'll come out and tell you how she feels. Just be patient with her."

Sebastian nodded and walked towards the stairs and once he disappeared, Andrew sighed deeply and knocked on the door. "Laura?"

"Go away, I want to be alone." Came the sound of her voice from the other side.

"I will not go away," Andrew said, his voice emerging with a strange and alien stubbornness intertwined in it. "Please open the door."

After a few seconds passed, and once he could hear the door click from the other side; he turned the knob, and came into the room. As he looked around the room, he could see that once she had unlocked the door, she had returned to the bed and had sat down on the edge. He came over and sat down next to her. "Laura?"

"Is it time to go?" She asked weakly.

Andrew nodded, "yes, it is nearing time for us to go to the church."

As he spoke, she could feel the tears of shame and guilt streaming down her cheeks as she looked towards the window. On the sill, a white dove was cooing as it looked inside the room.

"I s-should have been here, Andrew," Laura spoke softly as she remembered the last time she had seen of her brother was when he and her family were going through the security check at the Berlin airport nearly a week ago. She shook her head as she remembered how much fun she had had after her parents and siblings had left. Since returning to the States to say good-bye to Patrick, she could only feel the hollowness in the pit of her stomach, an emptiness that seemed to dominate all the feelings she had.

"Oh Laura." The familiar voice of her friend emerged, and she glanced over towards him and could feel his hand on her shoulder. "You were here. When the time was right, you did return to say 'good-bye'."

As he spoke, she reluctantly wiped the tears from her eyes. When she looked up after a moment, Andrew could see the depiction of utter heartbreak on her face, and he released a pent up sigh, as he squeezed her shoulder tenderly.

"You know that everyone is about to leave for the church," Andrew said. "The funeral will be starting soon." As he spoke, he could see the look of agony on Laura's pale face. "Are you OK?"

"Do I look like I'm OK?" She answered his question with one of her own, her voice emerging filled with anger and guilt.

"No," Andrew said honestly. "You look as though you are in a great deal of pain. Please, Laura, talk to me. You have always known that you could talk to me about anything," he pleaded with her.

"I don't want to talk, not now, I can't," she whispered as she covered her face with her hands.

"You need to talk, sweetheart," he said softly. "I know what you're thinking right now, but guilt is not going to bring Patrick back, and it's not going to help you heal either."

"Oh so now you're starting to read my mind, huh?" Laura asked weakly. "First you get me to talk about how I felt, and now you want me to talk about this. What next?"

Andrew looked down at her, one of his hands brushing through her hair. "You are sad still because of what happened in Berlin, aren't you?"

"I should have come back with them, you know? I could have spent more time with Patrick instead of chasing after you. I could have talked to him instead of being selfish and trying to resolve things with Sebastian. There's so much I should have done, but nobody told me anything until after he was in a coma and then what I had to say would never have mattered."

"It did matter, Laura," Andrew said softly.

"No, it didn't. Nothing changed, not one word, and then…and then I had to come back home and everything has completely fallen apart." Laura shook her head remorsefully.

Andrew looked at her. "Why are you really angry, sweetheart?"

"I just want to know why? Why didn't you tell me that Patrick was going to die so soon and that I could have come back with my family?" Her words emerged as the tears began to fall from her sad brown eyes.

"Laura, I honestly didn't know," Andrew said softly, his voice cracking.

"You're an angel, you should have known. How could you have not known?" She could feel the tears streaming down over her face. "I stood in that airport and I watched them walk away and it was the last time I really saw him."

"I know, and if I had known, don't you think I would have told you?" Andrew asked. "I would never lie to you and I would never deceive you, Laura."

Laura wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her dark gray dress and she stood up. Without another word, she went and pulled a silver necklace from her jewelry box. Once she put the necklace on, she turned around and Andrew could see the pendant of a dove hanging from the chain. "Everything hurts right now," she said softly. "Everything…"

"You will heal," Andrew said softly.

"It's only a question of when," she said softly as she tried to look past him.

"Laura?" His speaking her name caused her to look him in the eyes. As his next words emerged, she found herself stepping back somewhat. "Are you angry with me?"

Upon hearing his question, she could feel the tears streaming down her face, but rather than speak, she found herself nodding slowly, almost unwillingly. "I don't want to be angry with you, but I am, and I can't help it. I don't want to be angry with you, Andrew…" she whispered as she sank to the floor, and began to weep bitterly.

"Will you give me a chance to rectify things?" Andrew asked softly. "Will you give us a chance to be the friends we were before all of this happened?" He approached where she was sitting on the floor and he took her face in his hand and tipped her face up so that she was looking at him

Laura could feel the tears streaming from beneath her eyes, but she nodded as she allowed him to take her gently in his arms and hold her as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

*****

The funeral took place at the local church the Lowery family attended and when Christina, her husband, and three daughters entered the sanctuary, they could see that the entire church was nearly full, the mourners seated inside, and they walked down the aisle towards the seats reserved for the family at the front of the sanctuary.

All around, Christina could see flowers, candles and even Patrick's log book was placed near the casket next to his photograph. His sketchbook was also nearby, but no one seemed to go and open it, so it remained closed. Within moments, she turned around and could see that Andrew had come into the church as well; Monica, Tess, and Gloria were walking a few steps behind him. As if pushed by adrenaline, she walked with weighted steps over to join them.

"Hi, Tess…" her voice trailed off before she could acknowledge the other angels by name.

"Hello honey, you doing OK?" Tess asked as she took Christina in her arms and the woman could feel herself beginning to sob in the arms of the angel.

"T-thank you for being here," Christina said, her voice cracking as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Oh baby, we're glad to be here. Patrick was a remarkable young man," Tess said softly.

"Yes," Monica said gently. "We were all really happy to spend so much time with all of you in Europe."

Gloria nodded in concurrence with Monica's words as Andrew offered Christina a gentle smile. As her embrace with Tess ended, she literally collapsed in his arms. "You doing any better?" He asked as he helped her to a pew and bade her to sit down at the front of the sanctuary. The other angels followed suit and sat down directly behind her as she spoke, her response filled with the utmost sadness.

"I-I think so, it's weird to not have him around. There is no one to fight over who gets to go to the bathroom first, or who left the toilet seat up, or who smeared toothpaste on the mirror in the guest room. Oh what am I going to do now?" Christina asked weakly, as the tears streamed from beneath her eyes. "I feel like a part of me is gone."

Tess reached over and squeezed her arm; "you're going to be OK, Christina, now you just hang in there."

"At least Laura's doing a little bit better," Christina said softly. "I'm glad she finally met someone who makes her feel so good about herself."

"I don't know how happy she is," Andrew said remembering the conversation he had had with her back at the house. "I think your whole family needs to heal now, and it will take some time. I think Sebastian will help Laura to let go, but I'm still worried about you as well as Jeremy and the twins. Have they talked about what has happened?"

Christina shook her head, "not really. All that has happened during the past few days has been an eerie stillness that has literally encompassed the house. Jeremy went back to work yesterday, I've taken the week off, and Peter has been wonderful about letting me take the time to heal."

Andrew smiled weakly, "that's good that he has been so understanding about how hard this has been for you."

"I just wonder if Sebastian is OK," Christina said softly as Tess sat down next to her. "Laura won't talk to him, and I am under the impression that he feels rather like an outsider."

"Sebastian met you all so he could accept the situation with his own family, baby, and now that he has, he will be better at accepting the things he cannot change, through helping you and your family change the things you are able to," Tess said gently. "That's why that young man is here, and now you stop your worrying and let the Father work a few more miracles in all of your lives."

"Thank you," Christina said and nodded numbly, but she offered the angels a weak smile. Andrew remained next to her, his gentle eyes filled with sadness as he regarded his longtime friend.

"Christina?" Andrew looked at her after a few moments of silence passed between them.

"I'm OK, Andrew," she tried to offer him a brave smile, but he could see the dark rings around her sad eyes.

"Do you remember what you saw three nights ago?" Andrew placed his hand on her shoulder, his eyes filled with love.

Christina could remember seeing Patrick dying, she remembered seeing him stand up and join Andrew, but as she witnessed all of this, she wondered since then if what she had seen had been real, or if it was a figment of her imagination. "It was real, wasn't it?"

"Yes, my friend, it was real," Andrew smiled gently at her. "You did see me take Patrick Home, Christina, this was not in your imagination, it did happen."

"I don't know if it's a comfort to me yet," she whispered as the church bells began to chime.

Andrew wrapped her gently in his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder. The minister came out and he began the service.

In the middle, Paula Davies, Jeremy's older sister, stood up to read a poem that she had written for Patrick, and as her voice filtered through the church, Christina could feel herself breaking down.

"I am speaking of the loss of a friend," Paula began. "Not just a nephew who had entered our lives and made a poignant difference to us, but a young boy with ideals, with love, and with the faith of someone with many more years to him. For him, I share the following poem:

Let this be a comfort
When shadows darken our way
Let us all remember
The light of love this day.

The song plays on and on
The melodies fill our hearts
Even when shadows fall
And we must now depart.

I'll remember the sweet music
The melodies block the pain
Your song so sweet and tender
I know we'll meet again.

The stars sing out in chorus
In thunderous harmony
Your spirit lives in these words
Of comfort for all to see.

As you find your way
And wave down from up above
I will hold these memories in my heart
And shower the world with love.

The love of this young man is an inspiration to all of us, and may he continue to be remembered always," Paula concluded and with that she returned to her seat and sat down.

Throughout the service Christina watched as friend after friend stood up and went to the front of the church, some with music and some with poetry, but their words were spoken with more love than she could consciously remember. Finally, Sebastian stood up and went to the front of the church. He unfolded a piece of paper, and looked out at those assembled.

"I didn't know Patrick all that well, I had only talked to him once, maybe twice," he began, "but there is something really special that I want to share with you about him, something that perhaps you did not know." He cleared his throat and continued. "I did have the chance to get to know his family, and through these wonderful people, I found something very special. Not just through meeting Laura, but I discovered how special it is when two people who are as courageous and loving as Christina and Jeremy Lowery are. Over the course of our time together, I had the chance to really know how much it meant to Patrick to have them do so much for him."

"I cannot really express with words how much of an impact Patrick Wallace had on me, but from one conversation, it became clear to me that he had all the courage and love in his heart, but the most beautiful thing he told me was how his adopted parents, Christina and Jeremy, showed in every way imaginable how much they cared for him. This was something that really helped him when he needed it the most. It wasn't just an issue of flying or seeing Paris, but it was something that went much deeper, it was truth, and that is something that helped when he needed it the most."

"No one knows this, but about two weeks ago, Patrick and I were sitting in a compartment together on a train bound for Paris, there we had one of the most wonderful conversations I could recall." He paused taking a deep breath before he was able to continue.

Sebastian's flashback

As the train reached the French border, Sebastian sighed contentedly as he shook the newspaper he had been reading ever so slightly. He had been hoping to find out what had been happening in Berlin since he had left, but when he discovered nothing interesting, he sighed deeply and closed it.

At this moment, Patrick had entered the compartment, and in his hands, he held a couple of canned drinks. Once the teenager had extended one of the drinks towards him, he gratefully accepted but took the newspaper and tossed it onto the flat luggage rack above his head.

"What are you reading?" Patrick asked as he sat down across from him and opened the drink.

"Oh nothing, just some news about the events in Berlin, there was a concert there last weekend that I would have liked to have seen," Sebastian said smiling weakly. "It wasn't as good as the people had anticipated, though."

"I guess sometimes these kinds of things never are," Patrick mused.

"No big deal, I wouldn't have been able to go anyway," he smiled at the boy as he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, but instead of speaking further, he took a sip of the drink that Patrick had just given to him.

"You like my sister, don't you?" Patrick asked changing the subject completely.

The young man nodded. "Yes, I do, she's a very special person."

"I know, I can tell by how you look at her," Patrick said smiling weakly. "Anyway, I could always see that in her. I remember when I was 11, she came to me and told me that she had died," Patrick said.

"Died, what do you mean?"

"Well, she didn't really die, but she had nearly died. She had been in a car accident with Jeremy and things didn't look so good for her at all. She told me that she could see her parents and grandparents praying for her at their house, and then she saw Andrew and Christina crying in the chapel at the hospital. She asked the angel with her if it was real, and he confirmed to her that it was. I asked Christina about it later, and she confirmed that she and Andrew had been in the chapel, and that they all had prayed for her when all this happened."

"She really had an out of body experience, then?" Sebastian asked.

"She doesn't really talk about it a lot, but, yeah, she did," Patrick said. "I think she only told a few people about it, but she told me about it because she knows that I'm dying."

"You are?" Sebastian asked as he remembered a few nights ago when Denise and Dawn were at Jens' place and had been crying about the plight of their brother.

Patrick nodded. "I have AIDS, well it started out as being just HIV Positive, it was through a blood transfusion, but I know my time is running out. The weird thing is, no one really has to say anything, it's just a feeling I have about it, but it's true. Anyway, I know that Andrew is going to be with me when I die, but that doesn't change the apprehension I sometimes feel about it. I realized this a long time ago, and I told Laura once that she helped me to not fear death so much, but, rather, to accept it, and to try and embrace it."

"You knew that Andrew's an…"

"Angel of Death?" Patrick finished Sebastian's question, and when he nodded, Patrick continued. "Our whole family knows, Sebastian. The twins adore him, but they also know that his presence near me is a rather strong indication about what is going to eventually happen to me."

"How did that make you feel to come into a family where angels are often present?" Sebastian wanted to know.

"I never really thought about it. I mean, Andrew and his friends are like a part of the family, and I guess I came into it after they did. My two sisters and I had been placed in the home of Reverend and Mrs. Stevens, but they were not very nice people, in fact, they told us constantly that we were terrible sinners and that we would burn for eternity because God was out to punish us. They said that my dad died because he was a sinner, then they said that my mom got AIDS because she was a terrible mother and an evil person. Mrs. Stevens almost willed me to die, I had lost all hope and I was feeling more and more like a burden than a person with feelings, it was horrible."

"They said this about you and your family?" Sebastian asked, the apparent shock coloring his face, and his hazel eyes regarded the boy with unsuppressed surprise.

"Yeah, they did, and then later Mrs. Stevens said the same thing about me in front of Denise and Dawn. She hurt my sisters that day, and then when we thought God had abandoned us, Christina came along and she and Jeremy took us in, no questions asked. She was there for us when we needed someone who would care, and she and Andrew somehow managed to help us find God, not the God we had known, but the God that they loved and who loved us unconditionally. He was someone I could cry out to, someone who loved me and didn't want me to be filled with fear and sadness. I remember the night that I was sitting in the chapel at the hospital. It was right after my mom had died, and I was really mad at God for it. I was sitting on the floor in there screaming 'I hate you' at the top of my lungs. Christina came in and she said something that completely shocked me."

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'you know, if I believed in the same God that you learned about, the one that was truly the depiction of anger and hostility, then I think I would hate Him too'. I didn't even hear her coming in, but when she said that, I nearly lost it, I wanted to cry my eyes out just because she was so calm and serene about it."

"And she actually said that?" Sebastian asked.

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, and she meant every word, too. You know how adults can give you the 'look' the one that says 'I know what I'm talking about so you'd better listen to me'?" Once Sebastian nodded, he continued. "Yeah, well that was the look that was on her face, it wasn't really directed at me, but it was empowering, it was filled with wisdom and kindness, two things which I thought were mutually exclusive. Even the mention of Mrs. Stevens name, somehow would have made Christina flip a gasket. It was so obvious that she was upset by what had happened. That's why I made a special request of Andrew, but I ask that you keep this a secret until after I'm gone."

"What is it?"

"You won't tell anyone?" Patrick pressed.

Sebastian nodded. "I promise."

"OK, well the last time I had the chance to talk to Andrew one on one, I asked him if Christina could be there and actually see me die. I wanted to give her this as a way of saying 'thank you' for being my best friend and for taking us in when we didn't have anywhere else to go. I thought maybe if she could see this, that she would be able to help her family let go when I'm not here anymore."

"That's really beautiful," Sebastian said. "Did he agree?"

"He said that he'd have to ask some of the higher ups about it, but I think he will do this for me because he knows it's important. See, I don't want anyone to be sad after I die, because I'm not going to be sad once I'm out of here. Based on what Laura told me about her experience, and what Andrew has described to me, I won't be sad at all, I'll be happy to see my parents again, happy to meet God, but then I won't hurt anymore and won't have to feel like a human pin cushion with all the doctors and stuff. It's going to be nice to run and play football again, to look at the stars and smile, to not always be scared of something."

Sebastian smiled weakly. "You have accepted this then?"

"I have, and strangely enough, even though I feel apprehensive about it, I don't really feel as afraid as I thought I would. I mean, I'm not so much afraid of death, as I am of dying," Patrick said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"I think you're very brave, Patrick," Sebastian said.

"Just do me a favor, Sebastian," Patrick said.

"What?"

"Don't ever hurt my sister the way her ex-boyfriend did. Billy was bad news, and maybe he was that way because of what happened to his brother, but I have seen how horribly he treated Laura, and if you hurt her, I'll come back and haunt you," Patrick said softly, his eyes twinkling merrily.

Sebastian smiled weakly and nodded, but after a few moments, he stood up to go down the hall in the direction of the café in order to buy himself a sandwich.

Sebastian's flashback end

"Patrick and I had a chance to talk to each other and he told me many things that surprised me. He told me that he probably would have died three years ago had it not been for Christina and Jeremy taking him and his two sisters into their home. He told me how Laura, their daughter, had helped him to not be afraid of death, simply because she had a near death experience when she was younger. Through Laura's strength, Patrick told me that he was able to find a new sense of hope with this family," he paused as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Although, he had dreams and visions for the future, his final wish was to have the opportunity to say good-bye to Denise and Dawn, and to simply know that his two little sisters were going to be taken care of after he was gone. He wanted to feel the security of their well-being, but then his final wish was to die with all the dignity, and all the hope that he carried, still intact. He confided in me so much during this time on the train that I could not even remember every aspect, every part of our conversation until much later."

Sighing deeply, he lowered the paper and looked out at the people assembled. "Patrick Wallace taught me about trust, he taught me that it was OK to sometimes feel unworthy of the love of God, or beneath the strength of an extended family, but through his courage I found a sense of inspiration that I never imagined finding. He told me that he had to learn to trust from the ground floor up, and he said that no matter what would happen, he knew that angels would be there watching over us."

That said, he went and sat back down, his eyes glistened with tears, and as soon as he sat down, he could feel someone's hand on his shoulder and he turned around to see that Adam was now seated behind him and as soon as he made eye contact with his special angel, he found the strength to offer a weak smile.

Once he turned back around, he could see that Laura was staring at him, her eyes filled with sadness, but her expression was unemotional and after a few moments, she looked away.

*****

At noon, the family filtered out of the church and walked towards their car. Laura remained seated inside the church and watched as the six men came and carried the casket outside. She closed her eyes as she bowed her head and stared down at the floor.

"Laura?" A kind voice emerged and she turned around to see Adam was standing behind where she was sitting.

"Hi," she whispered as he sat down next to her. "I guess I should get outside, huh?"

"You still have a few minutes," Adam said as he pulled out his pocket watch and opened the cover. Once he had looked at the numbers on the face, he closed the cover, slipped it back in his pocket, and smiled warmly at her.

"Did you know about all of what Sebastian said?" She asked.

Adam shook his head. "No, everything he said was as new to me as it was to you. But, keep in mind that he made some promises to Patrick, and perhaps that is why he couldn't tell you about them sooner."

"I loved him, Adam," Laura said softly as she shook her head.

"I know you did sweetheart, I know," the angel put a gentle arm around her shoulder and drew her into his embrace.

"But, I wasn't here for him, not like I should have been…not in the end…" her voice trailed.

"Laura, most people don't know when someone's time will come. Angels don't even know, and even though you have a few angels around, we cannot always tell you when something is going to happen or why it will," Adam said gently. "You know, if you had come back earlier, then you wouldn't have reconciled with Sebastian and you would have lost more than just Patrick, you would have lost that young man whom you love deeply."

Laura could feel the tears in her eyes, but she nodded. "I feel so guilty, Adam, I don't know how to let it go."

"It will take some time, but you will," he smiled gently at her.

Laura looked around at all the flowers, which were adorning the altar. "H-he knew a lot of people."

Adam nodded. "The spirit of your little brother will be what lives on, Laura."

"I know, and I know that he's in Heaven, but…" the young woman began to cry, the tears now rolling down over her face and she could feel that he was still holding her in his arms.

"You remember what happened when you 'died'?" Adam asked as he looked down at the weeping girl.

Laura nodded but managed to look up and into his eyes. "I remember how you were with me, and how you took my hand and led me t-to God. There was all this light, and it was really beautiful. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I-it meant so much to me. It was like magic."

Adam smiled gently at her. "That is what Patrick is experiencing right now. He knows today that there is no room or reason for you to feel any more guilt. Laura, Patrick wanted you to be happy, just as he is happy today in the arms of God as well as his earthly parents." He brushed her hair out from in front of her eyes and smiled down at her. "You just hang in there, OK? Everything will find resolution in due time."

Laura nodded numbly as their embrace loosened and she stood up with the intention of turning away from him, but he could still hear her voice as it emerged over the silence of the small church. "I guess I should get outside, huh?"

"Yes, perhaps you should," Adam said gently, but before she could walk away, he reached out and took her hand. "Look at me, Laura." The teenager turned around and when her eyes met his, she watched as he stood up as well, leaned over, kissed her cheek, and smiled serenely at her. "You will get through everything, I promise, just keep the faith, my friend."

"A-are you staying?"

"No, I can't, but Andrew, Tess, Monica, and Gloria are here," Adam smiled gently. "They'll help you, but mostly Sebastian and your parents will be there for you and through them, you'll get through all of this."

"Adam," she spoke his name and he looked at her. "I wish you could stay," she whispered. "Sometimes, I think you're the only angel I know who understands me."

"Now you know that that's just not true," Adam said gently as he shook his head slowly and his gray eyes widened slightly.

"But it is, I mean; Andrew doesn't seem to care anymore," Laura said softly.

"Laura," Adam's voice suddenly changed and she noticed that his expression had become graver than any she had ever seen before. Even the tone of his voice seemed not to match this angel, but when she heard him speak her name, she hesitantly looked up and into a pair of very sad, but also very wise gray eyes.

Upon meeting his gaze, she understood that they both knew that her words had been an untruth. "You know as well as I that Andrew cares very much for you. He has never stopped caring for you, even when you thought he did. Right now, I don't think you're being very fair to him, Laura. You know, you may not have noticed this, but I think Andrew is feeling the extent of how one can be pulled in so many different directions, yet, you know deep in his heart, he feels a deep sense of responsibility for all of you, and he truly wants to be there for you."

"A-are you saying I'm being selfish?" Laura asked weakly.

"I'm not implying or saying anything about you, but think about this, sweetheart. How would you feel if people were pulling you in so many directions that you suddenly felt guilt for having done for one and not for another?" He paused for a second allowing his words to sink in. After a few moments passed, he continued. "I honestly think that this is happening with Andrew, and it's not easy for someone to deal with this kind of thing, whether it emanate from a human being, or from an angel."

"B-but, Adam?"

"No 'buts', I want you to just listen to me, for a moment. Now, you know I don't get upset with people very much, in fact, it rarely happens, but Laura, listen to what you're saying. Do you truly believe that Andrew stopped caring for you or do these feelings go much deeper than that? I know you're sad and grieving what you have lost, but Andrew is also sad, because he feels as though he is to blame for making your family so unhappy. You see, he loves you sweetheart, he has never ever stopped caring for you," he paused and took a deep breath before he could continue. "Believe me, I have seen him get totally broken up because of something that has happened to you, and as a result, he would sometimes feel completely lost."

Laura nodded numbly. "You're mad at me, aren't you?" She whispered meekly feeling a small sense of pain because of the bluntness of his words.

"No, I'm not, but remember, Andrew is my friend, and he's one of the most compassionate angels I have ever known or worked with," Adam said gently. "Do you remember what I told you at the hotel in Paris? I told you that there are many different kinds of love, and an angel is simply incapable of romantic love. This kind of thing only happens in movies or on television, but I think you know that it cannot ever happen with you and Andrew."

Laura nodded meekly feeling the shame encompass her.

Adam could see this and he rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Try to remember this, because it's the truth." As he spoke, his stern expression melted away and he smiled gently at her. "You need to realize that you're a very special friend to Andrew, and even when you and he cannot be together, it doesn't mean that he ever stopped caring. He knew that you were going to be upset about Patrick, but there was never a moment that he withheld anything from you."

Laura nodded weakly but looked up at him. "I'm sorry…" As she spoke her lips began to tremble and she sank to her knees, the tears streaming down over her face. "I'm so sorry. I'm just so scared, Adam. I'm afraid that Andrew hates me because of all those stupid things I said to him on the plane, and then in Paris."

Adam got down on the floor next to her and he took her trembling body in his arms. "He doesn't, sweetheart, just let it out." As she continued to weep in his arms, he continued to speak, his voice gentle. "Everything will resolve itself in due time, Laura, you just try not to worry too much about all this. Concentrate on allowing yourself to heal."

As he consoled her, Sebastian stood in the doorway of the church and watched as the Angel of Death consoled Laura. Instead of speaking, he stared at them for a moment and then slowly turned back towards the doors leading outside.

*****

The summer sunshine was cascading down on the grieving family an hour later. Christina stared down at the gravestone with bore Patrick's name and nearby were the names of his parents. She shook her head sadly as she turned away from the marble structures and could see that Tess had come over to where she was standing, and the wise angel put a gentle hand on her shoulders.

"What now?" She asked weakly. "Tess, there's a hole in our lives now."

"I know, baby," she took Christina in her arms and held her. "I know."

"How can I go on? I'm just remembering the last time we were together, when we were at Disneyland and were laughing and joking with each other," she whispered as the tears streamed from beneath her eyes. "My heart is breaking, it's breaking into pieces…" Her voice trailed off and she could see her parents standing in the distance. On Daniel's face was utter heartbreak, and she knew that they were both thinking about how they had this same sort of experience with Olivia. Next to them, their adopted son, Brendan Andrew was looking around in wide-eyed curiosity. "Now I know how my daddy felt after Olivia died, because I feel the same way today."

"You know, the world just keeps turning, honey, and you'll find healing just as your daddy did," Tess said gently as she stroked Christina's hair.

As their embrace loosened, Christina shook her head as she looked over to where the twins were now standing. In all these things with Laura, she realized that somehow she might have forgotten about how Dawn and Denise were handling this. Although the two girls were twins, Dawn had a more quiet way of grieving her brother, but Denise was much more vocal, sometimes her harsh words would attack Andrew, not because she was angry at the angel, but because she was hurting.

She continued to watch as Jeremy went and tried to get the twins to leave with the other guests. He seemed successful at getting Denise to come with him to the car, but Dawn would not leave and she remained standing next to the casket and rubbing her hand across the wooden structure where the body of her brother lay inside.

"Dawn, it's time to go, sweetheart," a gentle voice emerged and she turned around and could see that Monica and Gloria were standing nearby, both angels carried loving looks in their eyes.

"I don't want to," the young girl whispered.

"Do you want to talk to your brother?" Monica asked gently.

"I don't know what to say," she sniffed and within seconds she could feel the hand of the pretty angel on her shoulder. "Monica, h-how do I tell him that nothing will ever be the same again?"

"Somehow change keeps things from ever being the same," Monica said gently. "Dawn, your brother can hear you, and he knows that this hurts you, honey. But, he's happy with God and he wants you to find happiness again."

"But, I can't, it's just not fair," she whispered and looked at Gloria. The somewhat naïve angel shrugged her shoulders uncertain as to what to say to the inconsolable young girl.

"No, perhaps it isn't, but sweetheart, you will heal, just allow yourself to feel what it is you feel about this right now," Monica said as the tears streamed from beneath her own eyes.

"I'm scared," she whispered. "I felt when we were in Europe that the only one who understood was Sebastian. He's the only one…why?"

"He relates with you and Denise, because he knows and understands what profound loss means," Monica said gently.

The young girl shook her head and glanced over to where Andrew was standing. His eyes were filled with sadness, and the young girl started to walk towards him. "H-he looks so sad. Why?"

Gloria shook her head. "Maybe because he's emphatic."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked her eyes still on Andrew as he sat down on the dew-covered ground.

"She means that Andrew feels your pain, and he wants to help you but doesn't know how," Monica explained.

"B-but why? He took Patrick away."

"Yes, he did, but it was because God called your brother Home," Monica said gently. "Andrew only did what he promised to do, it was a promise that he made to God."

"W-what should I say to him?" Dawn wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sometimes, words don't convey what's in the heart, Dawn," Gloria said gently.

Monica looked at her protégé and her eyes widened, but seeing the truth in those words she nodded and smiled at the little girl. "Dawn, if your heart leads you to consoling Andrew, then follow it, and allow the beauty and wisdom that is in you to be expressed and to touch his wounded spirit."

The young girl nodded and after a second she walked slowly over to where the Angel of Death was sitting dejectedly on the ground.

*****

The cemetery was quickly emptying out as Andrew sat and stared at the ground, his head down, the tears streaming from beneath his eyes. Deep inside, he knew that he was not at fault for what had transpired with this family, but for some reason, he was still feeling the extent the guilt was having on him. He loved this entire family and it tore him up in the most profound way to see them hurting. "Father, I know I'm not at fault," he whispered under his breath, but still, his eyes filled with tears, and he just did not know why.

As he remained seated on the ground, he suddenly could feel someone had approached and had wrapped him in their arms. He glanced up to see that one of the twins was standing next to him, and although she had tears rolling down over her face, she was looking at him with a mixture of confusion and empathy.

"Andrew, are you OK?" She asked, and he could tell by the tone in her voice that it was Dawn, her eyes red from the crying she had done. Using her free hand, she wiped the moisture away from her cheek, but continued to look at him curiously.

He nodded, but when he looked at her, he simply could not find the words, so he remained silent.

"It's Dawn," she whispered sadly as she sat down on the ground next to him. "I wasn't sure if you were still mixing me and Denise up."

Andrew shook his head, but offered her a weak smile. "I didn't, I know who's who."

The pre-teen girl nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "You know something?" She asked weakly after some time had passed and her misery filled eyes sought his. Once again, he shook his head, the words were simply not coming and she could not help but notice that he was not even looking up at her. Instead of waiting for him to speak, she continued, her words breaking the stillness. "I love you," she said softly. "Not like Laura, but you're so special to me and I remember how you helped me when no one else would."

Andrew looked up and she could finally see the tears that were falling from his compassionate green eyes. "Dawn, I…"

"Please, Andrew, believe me, because it's true, and you gave Patrick a reason to keep living, at least for a little while," Dawn said softly. "You remember that night? I had come here to visit my dad, and you found me out here. That night I'll never forget, not ever."

"I remember it," Andrew said softly.

"You talked to me, and told me about heaven," Dawn continued and she looked out across the graveyard.

The Angel of Death looked up, he was not certain where this conversation was going, and his mind seemed to be elsewhere, like a thousand miles away. Somehow, Dawn knew this, because, a look of pain crossed her face and after a few seconds, she stood up and was about to walk away.

"I guess nothing I say will make you feel better, so I should just go away," she could feel the tears in her eyes as she looked at him. "You know, you're supposed to be strong for us, you're supposed to be there for us and help us, not sit here and feel sorry for yourself." She took a deep breath and instead of speaking further, she watched as his head suddenly snapped up and she found his green eyes staring into her own with the shock and surprise evidently there.

"Dawn, I…" he repeated his words again, and he reached out to her, but he could see that the dejection on her face as she backed away from him.

"No, I lost my brother, I lost both my parents, and you're crying. Why?" Dawn began to shout, her voice filled with agony. "Everybody says that I'm supposed to be the quiet one, but I can't be quiet anymore, it hurts too much. I want my mommy, I want my brother…" As she continued to scream, she sank to the ground and began to grab fistfuls of the earth. "…I want my daddy…" her voice continued to drift through the stillness of the cemetery and she cowered over her lap and continued to cry, her body shaking like a leaf as she wept.

Andrew crawled over to where she was and he gathered her in his arms and held her. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I'm so sorry." He whispered as he rocked the young girl in his arms, the guilt encasing him like a wet blanket. "Forgive me, please." As he spoke the tears streamed from beneath his grief-filled eyes and kissed her forehead as he brushed his hand through her strawberry blonde hair.

Dawn continued to cry, her voice filled with anguish, but when she felt Andrew's arms around her, she could feel the love that emanated from him and she realized that maybe she should not have gotten angry with him, but she just could not understand why he was so unhappy when he had been the one who had to take Patrick away.

Yet, more than anything Dawn felt neglected by the family who was supposed to have taken her in. She did not want to tell them this, for fear of hurting them, but she felt so ignored, and worse still, she felt as though she was an outsider, and that Patrick had belonged in their lives and not her. Now that he was gone, she feared what would happen to her and her twin sister.

"Dawn?" Andrew spoke her name, as she continued to cry, and he continued to brush his hand gently through her mass of strawberry blonde curls.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to do that," she whispered trying to make a brave face, but he knew that the pain was still in her eyes, and the realization hit him how hard this was for her, much harder than it was for Christina or Laura, whom he had been practically hovering over since he had taken Patrick home. This was Patrick's birth sister, and she needed someone who would understand her and not forget the agony she carried in the deep recesses of her shattered heart.

"No, it's OK, sweetheart," Andrew said softly. "I'm the one who's sorry. I wasn't paying any attention to you or Denise, but it didn't mean that I stopped caring for you. You both are so precious and I know that I've been thinking about other things during all of this."

"Like Laura?"

Andrew lowered his head, but nodded. "I think she feels abandoned by me, too."

"But, she shouldn't, I mean, you're an angel, and you can't love us like that, even I know that," Dawn said softly as she tried to wipe the remainder of her tears from her eyes.

"She knows, and she loves Sebastian, but she's hurting, and she blames me for it. I was sitting here just now wondering if it would be better if I were to just go away, and not come back."

"You can't run away, Andrew, remember when you told me the same thing? You told me that I can't just hide away from my problems, that I have to face them." As she sat there next to him, she remembered the day that she spoke to him the very first time. It had been late in the evening, and she had crept from the Stevens' home in order to visit her father in this very cemetery.

Dawn's Flashback

When she finally managed to open her eyes, she could feel the wetness of the clothing on her skin, but now she was shivering, and she looked around and at last, she realized that she was sitting on someone's lap. "W-who are you?"

"My name is Andrew, Dawn," he said gently.

"You know my name?" She asked softly, her eyes wide with fright as she struggled to get off his lap and to make distance between herself and him.

"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you," Andrew said softly as she tried to move away from him, but upon hearing his words, she turned slowly around and looked up at him. "I'm a friend of your brother."

"Are you his angel?" Her words emerged; they were weak, but filled with sadness.

"Yes, sweetheart I am," Andrew said softly as he brushed his hand gently through her tangled hair. "But, I'm also here to help you and Denise."

"How can you even want to be with me if I don't want to believe in God?" she whispered.

Andrew looked at the little girl, a mixture of surprise and sadness in his green eyes. "You don't want to believe in God?"

The little girl shook her head, and sneezed. "I'm afraid to."

"Why is that, sweetheart?" He asked gently.

She shook her head. "My mommy and daddy used to take us to church every Sunday. The preacher talked all the time about how awful we are, that we were all terrible sinners, and we should always beg God to forgive us."

Andrew nodded slowly as the little girl continued to speak. "Then after the car accident, he t-told my sister and I that God took vengeance on us…" She looked at Andrew. "What does vengeance mean?"

"It means 'revenge', Dawn," Andrew said softly, the sadness enveloping him as he continued to hear the child's heart wrenching words.

"Yeah, h-he said that God was mad at us, and so He took my daddy away from us as punishment because we were so awful. Then he said that my daddy died because he was a bad man," she looked at him, her eyes filled with the utmost sadness. "I don't want to be awful."

"Oh sweetheart, you're not awful, believe me, the only thing that is awful, are the words that that pastor said to you, but you're not bad or awful, you're one of God's beautiful children," Andrew said gently.

"But, now He's going to take my mommy and brother away from us, too, and we'll be all alone." The little girl began to cry, her hands covering her face and she was unable to even look him in the eyes.

"It's no wonder you are so sad," Andrew said softly as he inched closer to her and enfolded the frightened child in his arms. "You hear all these stories about God being like an angry parent, and you can't help but be afraid, but Dawn, these stories just aren't true."

"But Pastor Stevens said they are," Dawn objected.

"Stevens," Andrew muttered. "Isn't that the name of the woman you were with yesterday in the hospital?"

She nodded. "No one else wanted us, Andrew, so Pastor Stevens and his wife took us. They said they were doing us a favor, but living with them is no fun, they are strict and they won't let us come here and visit Daddy. That's why I sneak out, so I can come here and visit him and tell him that I wish I had died too so I could be with him and not here."

Andrew looked sadly at the little girl, but he gently stroked the frightened girl's hair. "God wasn't ready for you to go to Heaven just yet. Dawn, He wanted you to have a chance to grow up and experience life."

"What life?" Dawn asked sadly. "Mrs. Stevens says only mean things to me, she says that I always run away because I'm a brat. She wants Denise and me to sit in the waiting room at the hospital and wait for her without anything to read, or anything to do. It's boring there, and we have no one to talk to, no one who cares for us."

Andrew sighed deeply, but he continued to hold her in his arms. Now, he understood the necessity of getting these children out of this situation. If they didn't their spirits might be even more misguided and lost than they already were. "Dawn, you know now that God sent you an angel, and I will do whatever I can to help, you just don't give up, OK?"

Dawn nodded weakly in response to Andrew's words and after some moments, he could see that she was trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. Her nightgown was completely drenched, but in the distance, she could see the first light of the new day beginning to illuminate the sky. She continued to shiver, and he was not sure if it was entirely because she was cold, or because she was afraid.

Smiling gently, Andrew took the little girl's face in his hands and wiped the tears from beneath her eyes, but when he saw her involuntarily shivering, he decided that it was best for him to get her somewhere warm and dry. Standing up, he offered her his hand, and as she took it, he pulled her firmly but gently to her feet.

"A-are you going to take me back there?" She stammered.

"I have to," Andrew said gently.

"They're going to be really angry at me," She whispered. "They'll probably lock me in the basement again just like they did the last time I went to visit my daddy. I had to stay there for three days and think about what I had done."

Andrew closed his eyes, and when he heard the words of the Father in his soul, he looked down at the little girl. "I'm not going to take you back there, instead we're going to see a friend of mine, and see if she can help you and your brother and sister out of this present situation."

"B-but, I'm afraid," Dawn said softly.

"I know you are honey, but unlike the God you have heard about in the sermons of Pastor Stevens, I will promise you that our Heavenly Father is the most loving and caring friend that you could ever wish for. He will always love you, Dawn, and He weeps when He hears of the pain you have endured," Andrew paused as he took a deep breath. "Believe me when I tell you this, sweetheart, there is nothing horrible or terrible about you. You are so special because you are God's beautiful child and no matter what anyone says, the Father knows you better than anyone, because He created you."

Dawn looked at him. "You mean it?"

Andrew smiled weakly and nodded. "Of that you can be certain."

Dawn's Flashback End

The angel looked at the young girl. "You remembered everything that happened that night, didn't you?"

Dawn nodded, and looked into his eyes, her eyes filling with tears as she spoke. "It was here, in this place, when you cared enough to come and talk to me, but now, I don't feel so cared for. I don't feel so special anymore."

"You are, Dawn," Andrew said gently as he reached over and touched the girl's soft reddish blonde hair. "You know, sometimes, even angels forget to show someone that they are loved and that they're special, but do you know what? God won't fail you the way I did, He will always be there for you and He will always love and care for you in the way that you deserve to be loved and cared for."

The young girl nodded and sniffed as she saw the gravediggers coming through the cemetery and she stood up. "I guess we should go so they can do their work." As she spoke, she could feel the agonized tears falling once again from her eyes and Andrew could tell that she was not ready to leave, but when she took his hand and he stood up, he could see the extent of how much courage she possessed.

"Did I ever tell you that I think you're very brave?" Andrew asked as they walked towards the gates leading outside.

"No, I don't think anybody's ever told me that before," she whispered.

He put his arm around her shoulder as they left, and he smiled. "Then there is a first time for everything, because it's true."

*****

As Andrew and Dawn came into the house later that afternoon, they could see that the entire family was gathered in the living room of Jeremy and Christina's home. As Dawn squeezed his hand and went to talk to her sister, Andrew stood alone in the front hall and continued to look around. His eyes finally came to rest on Laura and Sebastian, who, at this time, were involved in a very heated discussion. Rather than approach them, he went and sat down on to sofa.

He knew that it was up to the two of them to work things out, but he just hoped that this wasn't going to cause Laura any more undue pain. He still felt protective of her, but he knew that the past few weeks had left their scars on her broken heart. He could clearly see that she was trying to learn to trust Sebastian again, but he could also see the hesitancy in her actions. He shook his head and watched them as they disappeared into the dining room.

"You saw him coming back with Dawn," Sebastian was saying softly as they came into the room and realized that they were now alone and could continue their discussion without disturbing those assembled in the living room. "Now, he's alone, you really should go to him, talk to him, and get this out."

"Sebastian, I can't," she whispered as the shame continued to encase her. "He probably thinks that I'm the biggest fool that ever lived."

"He's an angel, Laura, and I don't think he would, but look at you, this stuff is eating you alive. The only time I've seen you smile was in Berlin when we were hanging out with Lindsey and Renate. Please, you have to talk to him," Sebastian implored her. "I have to go and talk to Jeremy about something, but you remember I had to find the courage to face Jeremy after overhearing his words on the train. Now, go and talk to Andrew."

"Come with me?" Laura asked weakly.

"OK, but once you ask him, I'm gone," Sebastian's eyes were filled with love, but he had a stubbornness in his expression that convinced her that he was right. They stepped out of the dining room and walked over towards the sofa where Andrew was seated.

"Andrew?" Laura's voice emerged as a crack, and the angel turned and looked into the eyes of the young woman. "C-can we talk? I understand if you would rather not. I know, I haven't been very nice to you lately."

"You want to go outside? Maybe we can talk out on the terrace," he offered gently his green eyes filled with empathy for the young woman who now stood before him. He could tell that it took a lot of strength for her to approach him, and when he looked at Sebastian, he could tell from where that backup had come.

Laura nodded and once she had squeezed Sebastian's hand, she walked with Andrew outside. Once the door closed, she smiled weakly. "I-uh talked to Adam this morning after you left the church with the others."

"You did?"

"Yeah, he's got a really unique way of making people see the truth, a sort of mix between 'in your face' and caring," she said and smiled weakly.

"Yes, I believe he does," Andrew said softly.

After a few moments, she finally found the courage to glance up and make eye contact with him. "Andrew, I-I'm s-sorry about everything I said and did to you. Will you forgive me?"

Andrew smiled weakly and nodded at her. "There was never a reason for me to forgive you, Laura."

"But, there was," she objected, her voice filled with shame. "I thought you stopped caring for me, like Billy did and it was so hard for me. I can't really explain why, it just was."

"You've had a lot of things happen to you just in the past month, you've held a lot of things inside, and it's only natural that this will build and build and build. But now you see how talking about these kinds of things and letting them out do, in fact, help." He smiled gently at her.

"I was scared," she whispered.

"I know you were, I think, to some extent, we all were," he said gently.

"You too?" Laura asked.

"Yes, because I knew that Patrick was going Home, I didn't specifically know when until after Lindsey's concert, but Laura, that was all that I knew. Sometimes, in the course of events, people have to find the truth on their own. Do you remember when we were in Berlin, and you had just rectified things with Sebastian?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah, I felt so good after that. It was like for the first time in months, I felt, oh this is going to sound so stupid…"

"No, it's not, just say it," he smiled gently at her.

"Free," she smiled weakly. "It had been a long time since I had had so much fun. We really had a good time, didn't we?"

"Yes, and I had fun too," he smiled at her. "It was a wonderful experience."

"Then that call came and I had to come home," she shook her head sadly. "You know, I felt so guilty because I was having fun, and Patrick was so sick. I didn't get a chance to tell him how much he inspired me and how great it was that he was my little brother."

"Laura, he knows that. Earlier when you asked me if I knew that he was dying, and I told you yes, that he was. You said that I should have known when, but I didn't, not until the Father told me. You see, an angel doesn't know everything, we know what we need to know when we need to know it." He pulled the watch out of his pocket and handed it to her. "You see this? A pocket watch can only tell the time, it can tell you that instead of looking at the sky and seeing where the sun is, it can tell you the time of day it is. In that way, it helps me to be punctual when I have to be somewhere and do my job, but do you know what?"

Laura shook her head.

"This watch only tells the time, and God only tells me when I need to be somewhere, so when I look at the watch, I know when I have to be somewhere, but I don't know why I have to be there, it's just this idea of being prepared for whatever happens. Showing up when I have to show up, and helping people when I have to help them."

"It's beautiful," Laura said softly as she ran her hand across the engraved surface of the watch. After a few moments, she handed the object back to him and he returned it to his pocket.

"You know, Patrick knew what he was doing, and just like Sebastian said during the funeral, he was planning everything," Andrew began. "Your brother knew that you were falling in love with Sebastian, and he told me that he had seen you two in the compartment kissing when we were on our way to Stuttgart. He told me that he was happy that you found someone who was as kind and caring as Sebastian."

Laura's face turned a shade of crimson as Andrew spoke. "He saw us?"

"Yes, he did, and he was happy to see you happy," Andrew reached for her hand and when she offered it, he squeezed it gently. "Patrick told me that he would have been very upset with you had you come back with your family before resolving things with Sebastian," Andrew said smiling gently.

"He would have been upset?"

"Oh yes," Andrew nodded as he pulled out a large piece of paper and folded it out on the table. Coming closer and looking down at it, Laura realized that this was a special kind of navigational map, one specifically used by pilots. "Patrick taught me about making flight plans before one takes a long distance flight. He said, 'it's not just a matter of getting your plan ready, but you have to get your plane ready and yourself psyched up to take that flight'. He compared this to life, and he used the analogy of you coming back with them, as being like him making a distance flight without taking this map along with him. He said coming back without following the plan would have taken you completely off course. He was right, and he wants you to remember to always follow the course that is set for you, and if you lose your way, the Father will always be there to help guide you back to where you belong."

"Patrick knew?"

"Yes, he was a very insightful person, Laura, he asked questions, he sought to obtain knowledge about everything and he, above all else, sought to have understanding without pity. He also knew that you needed to have love and understanding from other people while we were in Europe."

"There's so much I didn't know about him," Laura said softly. "I mean; he cared so much for me?"

"Yes, he did," Andrew nodded. "But there's something I want to tell you and I hope you will really listen to every word, because it's the truth Laura, and you need to hear it."

"I'm in trouble, huh?"

"No, you're not in trouble, but you just need listen for a few minutes, OK?" Once she nodded, he continued. "I love you, but in my way, not in the way you dream about or see on television, but in the way an angel can love a person and see the beauty that they are. I am your friend, and I will always be your friend. Nothing you say or do will ever change that, and I know that you feel badly about some of the things you may have said or done, but you don't have to hold onto that guilt any longer. I know that this is hard for you to hear, but it's the truth."

"What should I do?" Laura could feel the tears streaming down her face.

"Let go of the guilt, and just understand that Patrick is with you in spirit, just as God is always here with you, and even though I'm not always able to be here with you, you can speak to God and He will listen, after all, He is the one who sent me and He knows that you are my friend, but He loves you too, so don't forget Him, because He's waiting for you to talk to Him." As he spoke Laura tried unsuccessfully to wipe the tears out of her eyes, but she remained silent as he continued. "I'm really glad that you wanted to talk to me, but not because it helped to make me feel better, but because I think it may have made you feel better, too."

He paused as she nodded, but her words were still not coming and he smiled gently at his friend. "Laura, look at me," a pause, and she looked into his compassionate green eyes. "Go through all those feelings you have, cope with them, and talk about them. You have so many chances to talk to people and to gain understanding from them, but don't hide away any longer, because that will only make the pain harder for you to deal with when the time comes to face it. I know that you are strong, and I know that you have harbored so much in the past months, but now free yourself from all of it, and allow yourself to feel and to speak freely of that which hurts you, OK?"

Laura nodded numbly, and could feel that he had taken her in his arms and was holding her tightly. "You're still my best friend in the world, Andrew."

"You are very special to me, too and as Lindsey once said, 'a friendship is always going to be better than a romance'."

"Why?"

"Well, I think that it has something to do with this idea that when a romance sometimes dies, the friendship will live on forever," Andrew said smiling. "Did you ever hear of the idea of kindred spirits?"

"Yeah, this was some concept that people came up with, but I don't know if I really believe it," she said shrugging her shoulders. "From what I was able to understand about it, there was this idea that before we're born, our spirit is alive, or something. It's a hard concept for me to grasp sometimes."

"Well don't completely dismiss it, because in God's vocabulary, nothing is impossible. Sometimes people have kindred spirits, and sometimes this is what brings two people together like your mom and dad," Andrew said smiling as he looked inside and could see that Christina and Jeremy were sitting on the sofa together.

"Do you think Sebastian's mine?" She asked weakly.

"Possibly," Andrew said smiling. "Your gentleness led you to him, no question, now you just have to find out for yourself. But, promise me something, OK?"

"What?"

"No matter what happens with Sebastian; you promise me that you will never forget that you're precious and beautiful, and you don't need romance to determine that for you, just live it, and accept it, because it's God's gift to you, and it will always be your choice as to how you use that gift."

Laura nodded, "I'll remember, Andrew, I promise."

"Come here," he smiled for the first time that day, and as she came closer, he pulled her into his embrace and smiled gently at her. "I'll always be proud to call you my friend, Laura."

She nodded and as the tears streamed from beneath her eyes, she buried her face against his shoulder.

From inside the house, Sebastian stood and watched, and when his eyes met those of Andrew, the young man watched as the angel nodded slightly and as the young German man turned away, a feeling of genuine relief was coloring his face.

*****

It was late in the evening when the last of the guests had left and Christina and Jeremy were sitting in the living room alone. Neither of them seemed to be in the mood to speak, but they enjoyed the simple solitude that went with having an exhausting day behind them. They both were worn-out, especially Christina, who was now leaning up against the cushions as though she was about to drift off to sleep.

Laura and Sebastian had gone out, and the twins were spending the weekend with her parents. The quiet was somewhat eerie, but she felt almost grateful for it, simply because she had needed a sense of calm and serenity for such a long time.

As she closed her eyes for what seemed like the twentieth time, the telephone rang, thus jarring her back down to reality and she wearily watched as Jeremy sighed deeply and got up to answer it.

"Hello?" His voice emerged, and it was obvious that he was still tired.

"Jeremy, I hate to bug you tonight, but we need you down at the precinct house, your nephew, Simon Davies, was arrested tonight," his friend and boss Sergeant Harry Campbell was saying.

"Simon? Are you sure Harry?" Jeremy practically shouted, his reaction causing Christina to open her eyes for about a second, but her eyes closed once again and it seemed as though she was about to once again nod off. Sighing deeply, his voice lowered considerably as he continued to speak. "Tell me what happened?"

"Not much to tell, I'm afraid, he somehow got involved in a fist fight out at the 'Kinsley Lounge' tonight."

"The 'Kinsley Lounge'. What on earth was he doing out there?" Jeremy looked baffled as he glanced around the room and could see that Christina had sat up on the sofa and was listening to his half of the conversation all the while rubbing her sleepy eyes. "I don't get it, what actually happened?"

"Look, it may be best if you ask Simon those questions yourself. When Charles and Dennis got out there, the owner of the club was up in arms about the damage estimates. I guess he didn't notice your nephew's involvement until after the reports had been filed and he had been taken away. By then, everything had settled down, except your nephew had already been brought here and booked. We tried to call your sister, but she's not at home and you're the next of kin."

"Yeah, well when it rains it pours," Jeremy muttered under his breath.

"Look, I'm sorry I have to be the one to break this news to you, Jeremy. I mean; we all knew that things have been hard for you guys lately, and you know I didn't want to do this, but your nephew is going to need your help. He looks like he lost a battle with an alley cat or something. He's not looking good at all."

"OK, Harry, I'll be there in about a half an hour," he said. "How much is bail?"

"Well, it's set at two hundred, but the charges are probably going to be dropped because quite frankly he's the most sober of the lot, and he insists that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Something tells me he's telling the truth."

"Thanks Harry," Jeremy said softly. "I'll have to go by the bank first, but I'll get it taken care of."

"Don't sweat it Jeremy, we'll take it from your pay, and when things get squared, we'll reimburse you. Sound good?"

"Yeah, thanks," Jeremy said sadly and hung up the phone. Once he came back into the living room, his eyes met the questioning gaze of his wife. "Simon got busted out at the 'Kinsley Lounge'."

Christina's eyes widened slightly, but she looked at her husband as though he was kidding. "Are you sure that he said the 'Kinsley Lounge', Jeremy?" She asked weakly all the while trying to process what he had just said.

She had never been to the neighborhood where the 'Kinsley Lounge' was, but this was a place that she had only heard about at work, and it was not necessarily a place that depicted utter positivity, as the neighborhood was kind of rough. Peter Harris, her boss at the practice, had spoken of this place often and had described the club as the typical hangout for the city's gay community. The club itself wasn't so bad, she had concluded, but the surrounding area was somewhat dangerous, as it had a lot of homeless people, drug pushers, and what some might label 'society's rejects' occupying the empty hovels nearby.

Sighing deeply, her thoughts shifted from her grief over Patrick to pondering how it was that Simon had gotten involved with the 'Kinsley' crowd. She remembered how over the past year, how Simon had become somewhat distant with the rest of the family, and she pondered almost constantly if this merely was happening because he had lost his job as the head swimming coach over at the junior high school.

Her thoughts shifted back to the present and she looked at her husband. "Jeremy, what happened?"

He released another sigh and looked at her unsure of what to say or how much of it he could tell her. "Simon's in trouble, and Paula and Vincent aren't home, they said something about going to see Robert and Loren tonight, so I have to go and bail him out."

"Jeremy, did he really say that Simon was at the 'Kinsley Lounge'?"

"Yeah, he did, and I don't know what this means, Christina, all I know is, I don't like the sound of it," he sighed deeply and reached for his jacket. "Look, I'll be back as soon as I can, OK?"

She nodded and closed her eyes once again. "Jeremy, be careful."

"I will," he put his jacket on and as he walked towards the door. Once he was gone, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. On the other side of the room, Andrew stood and he watched over his friend, the sadness lurking in his eyes, but out of respect for her, he remained quiet and simply waited.

*****

Once Jeremy stepped outside and was walking towards his car, he felt a hand on his shoulder, turned around and could see that Gloria and Monica were standing behind him.

"Jeremy?" Monica spoke, but when she saw that he looked as though he was about to jump out of his skin, she smiled weakly and continued speaking. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's OK, I guess I thought you guys had already taken off," he said as he fumbled with his keys.

"No, we're going to be here for a little while longer," she smiled gently at him. "Andrew said that he wanted to help Dawn and Denise adjust and Tess asked us to check in with you and see how you're doing," Monica answered.

"Just great," he answered sarcastically. "If it's not one thing it's something else. The world just keeps turning, turning, turning."

"Yes, it does, but grief is also a part of it," Monica said gently.

"I've had more than my share of that lately," he said softly. "Listen, I'd love to stick around and chat with you two, but I really have to get going. I have to get to work and take care of some things."

"I see, well, maybe you should let me drive you," Monica said gently. "You don't look as though you're capable of it right now and it would not be good for you to get into an accident right now."

"Monica, I know you mean well, but I'm fine," Jeremy said as he released a sigh.

"If you're 'fine' as you say, then why is your hand shaking like that?" Gloria asked innocently, but all the while the naïve young angel did not expect him to get upset with her, but when she saw frustration in his eyes, she knew that perhaps she had asked the wrong question. "I'm sorry Jeremy," she quickly recovered.

"Look, Gloria, it's OK, but if you want to know what happened, I'll tell you. I just got off the phone with my boss, and I have to go to the precinct house tonight and bail my stupid nephew out of jail," he took a deep breath trying all the while to keep his temper from flaring at the two of them. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence passed, he continued to speak, his voice filled with indescribable pain. "My adopted son is dead, and I have angels dogging my steps and asking me obvious questions, but not giving me any real answers. The truth is, maybe I shouldn't drive, but Monica, I have to get over there and find out what is going on with Simon." Jeremy was practically shouting and Monica reached over and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder, hoping all the while that she would be able to help him calm down.

"Jeremy, it's OK, we're just trying to help."

"I know and it's appreciated, but it's really hard right now," he offered weakly.

"Let us drive you over there. It's really not a problem, and it might help you to get your feelings in check before we get there," she said calmly.

He sighed deeply and nodded. "OK, you win, but I owe you one."

"You owe me nothing, Jeremy," Monica said gently, as he offered her the car keys and she accepted the key ring. Seconds later, she climbed behind the wheel, Jeremy got in the passenger side, and Gloria climbed in the backseat. "You know maybe it would help if you talk about this," Monica said gently once he had closed the door and had put on his seatbelt.

"Maybe, it will, but where on earth would I start?" Jeremy asked.

"How about at the beginning?" Monica asked. "Jeremy, it's perfectly obvious that you're having a hard time letting go, but the wee boy is fine, he's with God now, and is being taken care of."

"I know," Jeremy said softly, "but it doesn't help me right now, there's a hole, Monica. It's just like Christina told Tess earlier today, there's a hole in our lives, and it's so blatantly large that it would take something the size of the Grand Canyon to cover it up. I mean; we can't move on yet, and who knows how much longer we will have to sit unable to do anything before we can forget."

"You won't ever forget, Jeremy, but you will heal," Gloria offered from the backseat.

"Easier said than done," Jeremy said sadly. "Did you know that I have never cried in front of Christina? We've been married nearly 12 years, and I have never shed a tear in front of her."

"It seems to me that you and Christina are both unwilling to show the other just how much emotional turmoil you're under. Until you are both able to do so, Jeremy, neither of you will ever heal from this," Monica said simply, and all he could do was nod numbly.

*****

At that moment, Simon Davies was seated in a cell along with four other men, his eyes filled with guilt as he regarded what had transpired and how he had landed in so much trouble. Sighing deeply he wrung his trembling hands together and stared down at his lap. He could hear the officers walking around, some of them speaking to one another, but the clanging of keys seemed to be the consistent sounds which dominated the entire cellblock.

How did my life get so out of control, so quickly? The questions seemed to wrack havoc on his emotions and he found himself pondering this almost constantly. Now that he was 28, he knew where nowhere was, because he was standing directly in the middle of it. In the back of his mind, he wondered how much longer he could hold on to the secret, which he had been harboring for almost ten years. He somehow knew that it was about to bust wide open and he could do nothing to stop it. Somehow, he could not help but ponder how long it would be before he would be cast aside in the same manner as many of his friends had already experienced. Sighing sadly, he could feel the tears in his eyes, but instead of wiping the moisture away, he allowed them to fall down over his bruised face.

"Where is he?" Glancing up some twenty minutes later, he could see his uncle standing at the end of the hallway. Rather than looking up and making eye contact with him, Simon cowered away and was unable to even meet the look in Jeremy's troubled eyes.

"There he is, Jeremy, and he's not looking the better for it," one of the officers said.

"Simon?" Jeremy now stood at the door to the cell, his eyes filled with sadness, but even in his grief-stricken state, Jeremy regarded his nephew with traces of love, but mostly his eyes were filled with frustration.

Eventually, Simon glanced up, but only briefly, and within seconds, his head was once more down, a heartrending pain evident in his state of turmoil. "Uncle Jeremy," Simon finally managed to murmur, the small boy emerging as intimidation gripped him.

"You're a grown up now, just call me Jeremy," he said, his voice filled with sadness, but there was still a small trace of anger in that voice and once the door had been opened and Simon was set free, the younger man was hesitant about even emerging from the cell. Eventually, Jeremy went into the cell and walked over to his nephew. He reached for Simon's trembling hand, and helped him to stand up. "Come on, I sprung you, now let's get back to the house, we need to have a little talk."

Simon nodded and allowed his uncle to lead him outside. Once outside, Jeremy introduced his nephew to Monica and Gloria and the four of them left the precinct house.

As they reached the car, Jeremy realized that there was no way he could hold back his anger any longer. "Tell me how you got mixed up with this 'Kinsley' crowd."

Simon looked down at the ground, his eyes filled with shame, but then, from deep within himself, he found the courage, and looked up at Jeremy. "I'm gay, Jeremy, that's why I was there."

"You're gay?" Jeremy asked.

"Yes, and I told the cops the truth, I didn't do anything, I was trying to help a friend of mine when a bunch of 'gay bashers' showed up at the club. I didn't want to get involved, my friend and I were sitting quietly talking about something, but these guys literally dragged me away from the table, they started punching me, and then the cops showed up and a bunch of us got arrested."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jeremy asked, all the while his voice was filled with hostility and it seemed as though the only words he had heard emerging from his nephew were 'I'm gay'. He continued to speak, his voice filled with aggravation. "I mean; we're your family for crying out loud. Did you honestly think that we would stop caring for you because you were honest with us and came out with the truth? Did you?"

"I-I was s-scared. I wasn't even sure if I could tell my mom and dad, much less you and Christina," Simon whispered softly.

"You were scared? What happened to trust, and unconditional love? I mean; our family has angels hanging around almost constantly. Did you honestly think that we would shove you to the side or hate you?" Jeremy covered his face with his hands and shook it in exasperation. "Why did all this have to come out now, tonight, and so soon after Patrick?"

"I honestly didn't mean for any of this to happen, Jeremy," Simon pleaded with his uncle to understand. "I-I had gotten a call from a friend and went to meet them tonight. Can't you understand, I was trying to help my friend, and nearly got killed in the process? Would it have been better if Andrew had to come?"

Monica looked at the two of them, and when she saw an intense look of pain cross Jeremy's handsome face at the mention of Andrew's name, she spoke, her voice much stronger than it had ever been before when speaking to members of this family. "Simon, please don't talk like that, it is not helping matters, and I think it is better that Jeremy is here and not Andrew."

"Monica, can you just drive us home?" Jeremy asked weakly as he got in the passenger side of the car and slammed the door, but not before he spoke once again. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

The angel nodded and once Simon and Gloria had gotten into the backseat, she drove them back in the direction of where Jeremy and Christina lived, this time the drive was taking place in stony silence.

*****

By this time, Christina was still lying on the sofa in the living room. She had her hands still over her face, and was trying to get some rest, but the headache she had at that moment was not helping. The house was still empty and quiet and she sighing deeply as she tried to get comfortable on the sofa. When she couldn't she opened her eyes to see that Andrew was now seated next to her, the angel had concern shadowed in his compassionate green eyes.

"Andrew, I didn't hear you come in," she said softly as she tried to sit up and rub her eyes.

"It's OK, Christina, how are you feeling?" He asked gently.

"Confused," she shrugged her shoulders as she shook her head slowly. "I guess that song was right."

"I'm sorry, what song?"

"Just a song that I heard some time ago. It said that even after someone's heart breaks, the world just keeps right on turning," she whispered. "I can't do anything to stop it."

"Would you honestly want to?" Andrew asked.

"Why are you going to make things freeze again like you did before?" She asked trying to smile, but not succeeding at it, and her attempts at making a joke fell flat.

"Christina," he spoke her name as exasperation shadowed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Andrew, I guess, I shouldn't have said that, it's just that life seems to get harder and harder sometimes."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

She shook her head and noticed his somewhat haggard face. "No, because I think you've had a rough day, too and it would be too selfish of me to overload you with my problems."

"Did you get a chance to talk to the twins this afternoon?" Andrew asked remember the talk he had had with Dawn at the cemetery.

"After the funeral we talked a little bit, but they went to visit my parents for the rest of the weekend," Christina said softly shaking her head sadly. "I miss not having them around here, but I think that this house has too many reminders of Patrick in it for them." As she spoke, she shook her head sadly, and looked into his eyes "Andrew, earlier the precinct house called Jeremy about Simon…" her voice trailed and she looked at him. "Do you know anything about what has happened to him?"

"No, I'm sorry, but I don't know anything," the angel answered honestly as he reached over and touched the side of her face with his hand. "You try not to worry about him right now, you have so many other things going on."

"But, I can't help it, I'm so scared," she whispered. "Andrew, I know I haven't asked you to do anything for me in such a long time, but please, can't you just hold me?"

He inched closer and took her in his arms and held her tightly in his embrace. "It's OK, everything is going to be fine, my little angel," he whispered gently to her, his voice unconvincing, but filled with his loving assurances.

"D-do you believe that, or are you also trying to convince yourself of this as well?" She asked weakly.

"I do believe it, at least I try with all that is in me to believe it," he said softly. "It's just that right now, it's harder for most of us to believe it, because things are happening so quickly," he smiled gently at her as he brushed her hair away from her eyes.

"Andrew, I think Simon is…" her voice trailed off as the front door opened and Jeremy, Monica, Gloria, and Simon came inside the house, the door slammed behind Jeremy as they came out into the living room.

"Now you have some explaining to do," Jeremy was saying looking at his nephew, and the anger in his face was evident.

"Jeremy, what's happened?" Christina asked weakly as she stood up.

"Ask this bum who is set on keeping secrets from his own flesh and blood," Jeremy said angrily as he regarded his nephew, but when Simon didn't speak further, Christina watched as her husband left the room and charged up the stairs.

"Simon, what happened?" Christina looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness, but even in her eyes there was a genuine concern for him, and she came closer to where he was standing.

"It's nothing," he said and turned to go, but she wouldn't have it; she climbed the two steps that led to the front door and when she reached him, she rested her hand on his shoulder.

"Tell me, please," she said softly and when she exerted even more pressure on his shoulder, she could feel him pulling away from her. "Simon, please talk to me."

"What good would that do?" He turned around and looked at her, his eyes filled with irritation.

"It might do more good than you think, besides, you know that Jeremy is upset because of Patrick, and he hasn't been himself. Please, Simon tell me what happened. You know you can trust me, I will listen, just trust me," she pleaded with him.

As he heard the truth in her words, Simon turned abruptly around and pushed her away from him as hard as he could all the while shouting at her, his rage evidently showing in his actions. "Just leave me alone!"

Upon feeling the force in his push, Christina could feel herself falling and as she stumbled backwards, she tried to catch herself, but instead she lost her footing and fell down the two steps and plowed straight into a shelf. As her head rammed against the corner of it, she could feel the impacting blow and sank to the floor, her eyes glazing over as she lost consciousness. All around her, the glass figures and souvenirs came crashing to the floor, but no one seemed to notice this, everyone's eyes were on Christina.

"Andrew?" Monica called out her friend's name when she saw the Angel of Death now crouched down next to Christina, his clothing now official, and he was glowing. "Is she?"

"I don't know," Andrew looked up, his eyes filled with sadness and when his gaze came to rest on Simon, he shook his head sadly as the younger man stared at them, but after a few moments, Simon fled from the house and the angel could hear Jeremy coming down the stairs only to witness his wife now lying unconscious on the floor.

"What happened?" He looked at Andrew, his eyes pleading with the angel for answers. "Tell me, Andrew, please."

"It was an accident, Jeremy," Monica began, but Andrew cut her off.

"No," he whispered as he held his friend's limp hand. "Not an accident, Christina…"

Jeremy could feel the rage building up in him and it took all of his self-control to not take off after Simon. Instead, he rushed into the living room and called an ambulance. When he got off the phone, he frantically returned to the foyer and helped Andrew get pillows and blankets for Christina. On the floor a few moments later, Jeremy took her hand in his and held it tightly in his own. "I should have just let Simon stay there. If I hadn't have left you alone, you wouldn't have had to go through all of this. It's all my fault."

"Guilt is not what she needs, Jeremy," Monica offered, but within seconds, she looked at Gloria. "Come on Gloria, we have to go take care of Simon."

Gloria nodded and the two angels disappeared, leaving Christina in Jeremy and Andrew's care.

"You'd better take good care of him, because if I get my hands on him, I'll…" Jeremy mumbled but his voice broke and was left only looking down at his wife. The tears continued to slide down his cheeks as he gently kissed her still lips. "Oh God, how much more of this must we take, first Patrick, and now this?"

Andrew remained by Christina's side, but rather than speak to her distraught husband, he said nothing, his eyes filling with tears as Jeremy held tightly to her. Father, please take care of her, I don't want to have to take her Home now, they all need her so much.

When no assurances came back Andrew could feel the tears streaming from beneath his eyes. As always, Christina got into trouble when she tried to help someone else. This time it was Simon, and look at what happened to her.

The angel brushed a lock of Christina's hair back from her eyes as the ambulance arrived, the sirens blaring as Madeline Reinhardt and her colleague entered the house. "Christina Lowery is the patient?" The woman spoke as soon as she saw Christina, her voice cracking as she was flooded with memories of what had happened some years ago when Olivia Thomas had died giving birth to Brendan Andrew at Donna and Daniel's home.