A Touched By an Angel story

By: Yvette Jessen

Andrew was ripe for a vacation and everyone knew it. He was simply not happy and although he knew that his job was an honor; at this moment he felt completely unfulfilled with it. This had been going on for a number of weeks now. He was not sad about taking a much needed break, in fact, the Father had insisted on it, because this Angel of Death looked half dead from the overwhelming stress that was bestowed on him with his difficult job.

It was strange, this was to be the first day of his vacation since being told he needed to take a break, and he wondered what he should do with himself. Being an angel was a 24-hour a day job, but now he was free to do as he wished. Where would he go, what could do with himself? He was without Monica and Tess to keep him company during these two months.

This was not such an easy decision for him, but as he packed some clothing for the trip, Tess came into the room, and he looked up and smiled warmly at her.

“Well, I guess you’re about ready to take off, huh, Angel Boy?” Tess said enthusiastically.

“Yes, I suppose so,” he said softly as he shook his head.

“I hope you will be ready to come back when the vacation is over,” Tess said. “You will have important work when you get back into the saddle.”

“I still can’t believe that I’m supposed to do this, I mean, I’ve walked away from this job before, but I’ve never been sent away,“ he paused. “Tess, it feels like I’ve been fired. Did I really do such a bad job?”

“No, Andrew you didn’t, but let’s face it, baby, you’ve been under a great deal of stress lately, and everyone needs a break now and again.” Tess smiled.

“I suppose so, but I never thought an Angel of Death would have to go on vacation…”

Without saying anything further, Tess hugged him tightly, and left the room. He was left alone with his thoughts and contemplations. Two months, what on earth would he do with two months of free time? Ok, aside from dying of boredom.

*****

The stained glass windows of the small German church looked beautiful as the sun shone through them. The choir was rehearsing for the worship service that would take place the following morning and thirty-year-old Kelly stood on a stage next to some of her friends. She smiled brightly as she stood there. After all, it was there on stage, in fact, that she felt most at home. It was always a tremendous privilege for her to sing in front of an audience.

She looked out and could see the empty pews. The only thing resting on top of them were jackets and scarves, which belonged to the members of the choir. Otherwise the small church was empty.

Kelly smiled; the director was now working with the men in the group, making sure that they had sung the right notes in their harmony parts. As she stood there, she would sink into daydreams. It wasn’t that she necessarily did this in church, if truth were known; she daydreamed almost constantly. She had done so ever since she was a little girl. She often thought about angels, God, and Jesus when she would go into the church and many people did not know that to her the Lord was very important.

She ran her hand through her short auburn hair and adjusted her glasses so she could better see the pieces of music inside her black notebook. She could hear the men’s voices fading as the director cut them off, and then told the entire choir that they would start again.

“Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how great thou art…” she sang with the others as their music filled the church. The acoustics were not the best there, but it sure was nice to hear the sounds of the harmony as they sang together. She could see two of her good friends in the front row, and as the director stopped them again, she glanced up and could see someone coming inside the sanctuary. It was a man with shoulder length sandy blonde hair. He was wearing a long beige coat, and had an off white scarf around his neck. To Kelly, it looked as though he was simply trying to get in out of the winter cold.

As he sat down in the back of the church, he looked up and his eyes met hers. He smiled at her, and she smiled shyly back, but looked immediately away. There was definitely something familiar about him, and even though she did not know him, she could not deny there was a friendly and compassionate air about him. Although, she had never seen him before in her life, it was odd that he would stand out in her mind. Even stranger, she was unable to put her finger on as to why he would leave such an impact on her. A few minutes passed, and the voice of the director brought her crashing back down to earth.

“OK, folks, that’s a wrap,” the director said. “The service starts at 11 tomorrow morning, so please get here at 10:40 so we can warm up. Any questions, or problems?”

Everyone started to mumble amongst themselves, which appeared to be an indication to the director that nothing was wrong; so as he began to gather his music together, while the group began to disassemble. Taking this as a positive sign, Kelly immediately stepped down from off the stage, walked around the cluster of people and headed towards the pews where she could sit down.

“Hey, Kelly, can I give you a lift into town?” She turned and saw her friend, Inna, standing beside her.

“That’d be great, thanks.”

“I still have some stuff I have to do, so I’ll meet you here in about ten minutes, is that OK?”

“Yeah, that’d be fine, because I really do need to sit down, my back hurts,” Kelly said and walked towards the pew where the man was seated, when he looked up from his place, he smiled at her and she sat down in the pew behind him. She could not understand why, but this man looked as though he was completely lost. He had an expression on his face indicative of someone who had no idea what to do or where to go, but there also was a sense of warmth and compassion in those green eyes of his. Somehow, she was not completely able to look away from them as though he did not exist.

Shrugging her shoulders, she finally closed her eyes. With her hands, she reached behind herself and began to rub her lower back. By then, it was somewhat uncomfortable for her and she really wanted to massage some life back into the numbness that seemed to dominate everything else. “Darn accident,” she muttered under her breath.

The man turned around. “I’m sorry, did you just say something to me?”

“No, I just said ‘darn accident’, meaning I’m basically just moaning and groaning again,” she said smiling. It sure felt good to actually meet someone who she could speak English to. It was not that she necessarily had a problem with her friends, but, to immediately start talking to someone in her native language certainly made her feel good. Looking around, she could see some of her friends leaving the church. She waved to some of them as they left.

“See you tomorrow, Kelly,” one of the other women called out to her.

“See you later, Mandy,” she called back and smiled weakly as she turned back around to face him. “Sorry if I disturbed you.”

“No, you didn’t,” he began. “Your choir sounded very nice, though.”

“You think so?” she asked smiling. When he nodded her smile broadened. “Thanks, I’ll tell them tomorrow morning before we sing for the service. Would you like to come?” she asked.

“It’s at 11, right?” he asked smiling, and she knew that he had heard everything.

“Yeah,” she smiled and paused before continuing. “By the way, my name’s Kelly.”

“Andrew,” he said.

“Nice to meet you,” she said. “You know, you look kind of lost, are you new in town or something? I don’t mean to pry, but I thought you might need some directions or something.”

“No, I’m fine,” he said smiling.

“You interested in joining our choir then, we really could use some more tenors or basses around here?” she asked.

“I’m afraid not,” he said smiling slightly.

“Well, it was worth a try,” she said and continued to rub her lower back. After some moments, she stopped and sighed deeply as she reached inside her bag and pulled out a bottle of water. Opening the bottle, she began to drink the refreshing liquid.

“What’s wrong with your back?” he finally asked noticing that she had started to rub it again as soon as she had closed the bottle and returned it to her bag.

“It’s just a little sore after standing up for so long, no big deal,” she said smiling. “Actually, it’s more than that, my husband and I were in a car accident back in October, and well, ever since then, I get a little bit of stiffness in it now and again. It’s really nothing, even if I am successful at making a big deal about it,” she smiled wryly. “I mean it could have been a lot worse,” she paused shaking her head. Thinking about what had happened was not exactly easy for her, but she would rather keep a positive stance right now, and not speak too much about her troubles, especially to a complete stranger. “Anyway, even though I complain about it, I’m really grateful to be alive.”

Andrew smiled nodding his head as though he understood what she was saying. “How did you end up here?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “what can I say? We moved here about a year and a half ago. I joined the choir some time after that, and started making friends here. I guess it’s kind of weird; an American woman living here, in the heart of Europe, but it was a good decision for me, or I guess I should say, for us. I have no regrets, because being here is really special for me.”

“Hey Kelly, you ready to go?” Inna’s voice emerged and Kelly stood up to retrieve her jacket. As she did, she looked at Andrew and smiled.

“It was nice meeting you, Andrew,” she said softly as she put her jacket on and was reaching for her bag.

Andrew looked at Inna as she approached, “how far are we from the train station?” he asked the two women, as they were about to leave.

“Pretty far, I’m afraid,” Inna replied stopping and turning around. “Do you need a lift?”

“Yes, if it’s not any trouble,” came his answer.

“It’s no problem, Kelly lives right near there so I could drop you and her off at the same time,” Inna offered.

“Thank you,” he said.

“OK then, I guess we’d better get going,” Inna said. “I told my mother I would be there at 1, and I’ve only got ten minutes left.”

Andrew grabbed his jacket as well as his belongings and followed the two women outside of the church.

*****

Once Inna dropped them off across the street from Kelly’s apartment, they crossed the street and stood in the middle of a small marketplace.

“So I guess this is it,” Kelly said and pointed down the street. “All you have to do to get to the train station is follow this street until you reach the end of it. It’s really quite easy.”

Andrew smiled gratefully. “You make it sound easy.” He looked down the long street and sighed deeply.

Kelly watched as he slowly started to walk away. He just walks listlessly along, she thought sadly to herself as she watched his movements and noticed how he seemed to be really deep in contemplation. He seemed to be alone there, and aside from that, he looked pretty lonely. She continued to watch him and it became obvious to her that he has no friends, or acquaintances nearby. Suddenly it occurred to her who he reminded her of.

She could still see him making his way quietly up the street. Instead of walking towards her apartment, she followed him. “Andrew,” she called out causing him to stop and turn around. Once she walked up to him, she spoke, her voice somewhat shy, but also very friendly. “Maybe before you leave, you might like to have a cup of tea with me. I thought maybe you would like to come over for a little bit of warmth, I mean it is pretty cold out here, but if you had other plans, I completely understand.”

He looked back at her. “I don’t, but you don’t even know me?”

She smiled weakly. “I guess you’re going to think I’m weird, but when I looked at you just now, I could see the mirror image of how I once felt and that made me kind of sad. The expression on your face is so much like mine was and I couldn’t help but remember this very difficult time,“ she said, but paused when he looked at her with a mixture of confusion and sadness on his face. “I’m sorry, maybe that didn’t come out quite right, but I happen to know this feeling because I used to live in a place I hated. I felt like an outsider walking around there, so I started wearing a button on my jacket that said ‘just visiting this planet’ because I was so lonely that I figured that I would give them something to stare at.” she said and rested her hand on his shoulder. “Come on, I’ve learned the hard way that it’s better to talk to someone when you are visiting a strange new country or coping with loneliness. Besides, everyone could use a friend now and again.”

Andrew nodded gratefully, it really was cold out here, and he rubbed his hands together vigorously and considered her offer. A cup of tea on a cold day like this definitely sounded good right now, so after a brief moment of contemplation, he finally nodded.

Kelly smiled as she pulled the key from out of her pocket and he followed her to a door. Once she opened it, they went inside, across a patio and then into an adjacent building. They went up two flights of stairs until they arrived at another door. Kelly opened it, and they went inside.

As she took her jacket off, she hung it in the cabinet situated in the entry hall of the apartment. He placed his duffle bag on the floor near the front door. As she finished and put the jacket away, she pulled a second hanger out. “Give me your jacket and I’ll hang it up for you.”

Andrew removed his scarf and jacket and handed them both to her. “You’ve been very kind, Kelly, thank you.”

“No reason to thank me,” she said. “Sometimes one can meet a new friend in the strangest of places, or get help at the most unexpected of times. Come on, I hear a cup of tea calling our names.”

They went into the kitchen and Kelly pulled a chair out from the table. “Here, take a seat. I’ll join you in a minute.” She went back over to the counter and began to pull pastries out of a sack. From a cabinet, she removed two plates, two cups and saucers. She put one of the pastries on the plate and returned to the table. There she placed the plate in front of him. Next she filled a pan with water and sat it on the stove. “It will take a few minutes before the water boils,” she said as she sat down across from him. “So,” she finally spoke once she was sitting comfortably. “When did you get in?”

“Yesterday morning,” he said.

“And do you like it? I mean, so far?”

“It’s OK,” he said smiling. “I guess I haven’t had much of a chance to really enjoy being in a lot of places, because of my work.”

“Yeah? What do you do?” she asked.

“I help the dying,” he whispered.

“Noble work,” she smiled warmly. “I don’t think I could do such a job myself, it would be too hard for me to emotionally handle it. I admire those who can, though.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You know, it’s strange that you should mention that, because I have a friend who started working in this area some time ago. She’s a nurse by profession, and she started around June or so. She told me it was very fulfilling work for her to counsel and help those who are terminally ill,” she sighed deeply. “I have a lot of respect for people like that, for what they do for others. It would be hard for me to do this, because every person I would see would remind me of my father.”

“Your father?”

“Yeah, he died almost ten years ago,” she began. “He had Lung Cancer.” She shook her head sadly.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said gently.

“I know, but I’m not really sad about it anymore, so I think I can handle it. I mean I was for a long time afterwards. I had to go through special counseling and all that other stuff soon after. I mean I was only 20 at the time, and somehow one cannot forget this. I remember how it reminded me who my real friends were.”

“How do you mean?”

“When he was sick and dying, I was in college. I had met some other girls, and at first when the news came, I was shocked, angry, and there was a part of me that just wanted to scream. I couldn’t talk to my family about it, my mother hated my father, and she had since the divorce. It wasn’t easy for any of us, but it hit me the hardest. I wanted to be my father’s little princess, and after he died, that dream was completely shattered,” Kelly said smiling sadly. “Sorry, I guess that doesn’t really answer your question. Anyway, one evening soon after the diagnosis came to light, I was having a bad time dealing with it, and this other girl who was supposed to be my friend got angry with me and started yelling at me, saying horrid things to me about my father. She said something like, she wished that he was already dead, then everything would be easier for her.” She shook her head and looked at him. “For so long I wondered how someone could say something that cruel. I mean within two months afterwards, he had passed away and I felt left in an emotional whirlwind.”

“Maybe in some ways, she was right,” Andrew said softly.

“Perhaps, but the fact remained, she had hurt me so deeply. After that, it was even harder for me to trust people.” She could see him looking at her strangely from the other side of the table. “I guess, I realized later that she didn’t really understand how much pain I was in, and most people cannot comprehend how it feels. After that, I didn’t speak to her again, but after an experience like that, one doesn’t forget. I value my friends very deeply, the ones that are real and have stuck by me through thick and thin. Those are the people I’ll never forget.”

“And what about today?” he asked.

“I’m OK with it, though it makes me sad sometimes that my husband never got to meet my dad, but I carry his memory with me everywhere I go, and it’s special to me, just to know or believe somehow that he’s happy, and that he’s watching over me and maybe he sees me as his little girl, but also that he’s proud of the person I became. Does that make any sense?”

Andrew smiled and nodded, “more than you realize.”

“Strange, but somehow it really is easy to talk to you about this kind of stuff. Why is that?” she asked as the water began to boil. She stood up and went and removed the kettle from the heat. As she did, she poured it into a porcelain teapot. This she brought over to the table and placed it in the middle of the table. “It’s almost as though I’ve known you for years, rather than just accidentally meeting you today.” Shrugging her shoulders, she smiled weakly as she sat down again. “You don’t have to answer that, I think it probably has a lot to do with your job. You probably have to talk to the family members of those who are sick too, huh?”

“Not as much as I do with the dying themselves,” he said honestly.

“So, what is it like, and how do you deal with it? I mean that must leave such an impact on you,” she whispered.

“Sometimes it does, and it is often very difficult,” he replied as she reached for the teapot and poured the steaming liquid into the two cups.

“So you decided to take a break and travel to Germany?” she smiled and when she saw a sadness cross his face, she returned the teapot to the table and reached over and touched his hand. “Why so sad?”

“I don’t really know, I guess I miss my job,” he said weakly.

“You know, even those who have such a special job as you apparently have, need a break now and again. I guess it’s supposed to offer some sort of perspective on what you’re doing and the impact you leave on others.” She looked at him intently before she asked her next question. “Aren’t you used to taking a break?”

He shook his head. “To be honest, no, I’m not. I love what I do, Kelly, but I feel like a failure with it right now. I feel like that was the reason I was sent away?”

“Why, just because you were told that you need to take a break, and go on vacation? Excuse me for saying so, but that sounds kind of crazy. Hasn’t it occurred to you that once this time is over, you will return to your life as it was before?” Before he could even supply her with an answer, she continued. “Realistically, this will give you a chance to collect a few good memories and then when things get hard, or you get a case that overwhelms you, you will be able to deal with it. Just through those few good memories.”

“Memories?”

“Sure, maybe you’ll even remember me; Kelly, 30 years old, lives in Germany, and can make a pretty decent tea,” she smiled sheepishly. “If you do remember this day, recall the good memories about it.”

“What would you remember, Kelly?” He asked after a few moments of silence passed between them.

Without even beginning to contemplate, Kelly immediately began to speak. “I will remember how a very nice guy walked into the church this morning while we were rehearsing ‘How Great Thou Art’ for tomorrow’s service. I’ll remember that after I began to complain about my back troubles, that you turned around and asked me if I was addressing you, thus showing something close to concern for me. I will remember how you accepted my invitation to come here and then you listened to me without judging me when I talked about my dad, and how much I missed him.”

Andrew looked across the table at her. “You really feel that way?”

“Yes, I mean there are a lot of things I will remember about you, and believe me, they will help to sustain me when things get hard. I try to use my good memories and thoughts of friends to find the courage to deal with the really bad things I must face in life,” she looked up, her sad eyes meeting his. “Believe me, Andrew, there are bad things that exist in my life, and so with the strength I have, I will hold onto the good no matter what.”

Andrew looked at her, “if only it was that easy.”

“Why isn’t it?” she asked.

“I don’t really know,” he said softly.

“Andrew, how long is your vacation here going to be?” she asked softly, still not sure she was getting through to him.

“I have another seven weeks,” he said sadly.

She reached across the table and took his hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. “It really is hard for you to be away from your work, isn’t it? I guess I could understand, I guess it could be like when I first moved here. I didn’t speak the language, I was sad. I missed my family and friends so terribly. I thought I was going to die. On top of that, I didn’t get any support from my family over there; I had to look to my husband’s family for the help I needed in adjusting.”

He nodded numbly and looked across the table into the brown eyes of the young woman seated there. He could see that she wrapped her fingers around the cup of tea and took a sip of the steaming hot liquid. “There’s a great deal of truth in your words, but the sadness is still there.”

“Did you ever think about praying when you feel this sad and confused?” she asked. “I usually don’t talk about religion or prayer with people, but we did meet in a church, so I’m guessing you were looking for some answers. I mean, when I go into a church, I do more than just look at the altar, I think about my connection with God, and what I am supposed to learn.”

Andrew smiled and nodded.

“Do you believe in fate?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Then there must be a reason why we met,” she said smiling. “I happen to love having guests, and showing people around. I also speak German, and could translate for you if needed. How’d you like to stay with us for some time? I’m sure my husband won’t mind, and we do have plenty of space.”

“I don’t know,” he said unsure if it would be a good idea to push himself on Kelly’s kind offer.

“Oh please, it’d be fun,” she looked over at him. “Besides, I have a funny feeling that you want to accept, and if you have some fun, then the time will practically fly by and then you’ll be back in the saddle in no time.” Andrew’s ears perked up when he heard Kelly use the same phrase Tess had used right before he left. Rather than reply, he waited until she continued. “Besides, I can sometimes say the same, it can be lonely sitting around here all day. If someone’s around, then I can get out of the house for awhile and check out the sights around here.”

Andrew looked at her, grateful for her offer, and after some moments of hesitation, he nodded. “Thank you. I guess there is no need for me to go to the train station after all.”

“If it helps, then I am happy to do so,” she smiled.

*****

The weeks passed quickly, and Andrew found himself really enjoying his time with Kelly and Peter. He met many of their friends, had a chance to see some of the sights around the small town where they lived. But mostly, he got to know both of them, and he really liked them. He realized that his favorite times were those chilly afternoons when he and Kelly would sit in the kitchen and drink tea together.

It was during those times with her that he began to notice something odd about her behavior and this worried him. Every week at a certain time, she would leave the apartment and venture out alone. She would be gone only an hour, and then would return as abruptly as she had left.

That morning, she had gotten dressed and on the table left a note to him. Every time she had left one, it would say the same thing. ‘Andrew, I’ve got an appointment, and will be back in an hour.’ When she would come back, it was as though nothing had happened, and that she simply had gone shopping.

This particular morning, he could see her putting her jacket on from the doorway to his room. “Kelly?”

“Good morning, Andrew,” she said smiling warmly. “I have an appointment, and should be back in awhile. There are some bread rolls on the table, as well as a fresh pot of coffee. I’ll be back soon.”

He nodded as he watched her walk towards the front door. As soon as she was gone, he opened the cabinet and reached for his jacket. He was concerned about her, and for some strange reason, he decided to follow her to see where she was going.

Outside on the street, he spotted her walking towards a second building and when she reached it, she rang the bell. When the buzzer sounded, she went inside, and the door closed behind her.

Andrew approached the door and looked at the names posted outside. Sighing deeply, he realized that Kelly had gone inside to see a psychologist. He knew she had troubles, but still wasn’t sure what those were. Sighing sadly, he backed away from the door and walked slowly back in the direction to Kelly and Peter’s apartment.

His thoughts suddenly returned to the conversation he had had with Kelly the day they met, her life was hard, she was struggling with something. It suddenly occurred to him that the words she had told him about his job may have actually been true and could have applied to him as well. At any rate, he would continue to contemplate what she had said to him.

*****

After her appointment, Kelly returned to the apartment. She had tears in her eyes when she came inside. Instead of going into the living room and greeting her guest, she went immediately into the bedroom and fell onto the bed. She reached for one of the many teddy bears that was on her bed and held him close to her chest as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks and she began to weep softly. She did not hear Andrew tapping gently on the other side of the door until she heard his soft voice calling her name.

“Kelly?”

She continued to cry, and seemed not to hear him calling out to her. Finally, he entered the room to see her lying on the bed, her face pressed up against the teddy bear.

“Kelly, what is it?” he asked gently.

She looked up and could see him looking down at her. She wiped her hand over her face and tried to smear the tears away. “I’m OK,” she said and smiled weakly.

He shook his head as he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for her hands. Once he held them, he pulled her into a sitting position. Releasing her hands, he reached over and brushed the tears gently out of her eyes. “Now tell me.”

She shook her head unsure of what to say next. “I suppose you know where I’ve been going for the last four weeks, Andrew. Those mornings when I’m not here, and I have had to leave those notes for you.”

“I know, at least now anyway,” he said softly. “I was worried about you, Kelly, so this morning, I followed you,” he paused. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of this? We’re friends and I want to help if I can.”

“I couldn’t,” she said softly, shaking her head. “It’s not that I feel ashamed, but somehow people get this sort of weird idea about me because I am going to a therapist.”

“You talked to me the day we met, Kelly. You told me that it was easy for you to talk to me about things, so tell me what is wrong,” he reached over and took her hand gently in his. “Talk to me, tell me about it.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I try to be strong about all this, I try to look at it in a realistic perspective, but right now, it’s just so hard to even do that. I don’t want you to see me crying and upset.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing,” she said softly. “I used to cry at the drop of a hat, and everyone would tell me that I was too sensitive, that or they would tease me about it. The trouble is, they didn’t realize how much it hurt.” She looked at him earnestly. “Andrew, I didn’t have a happy childhood, that’s why I am going to therapy now. I love my life, I love living, but I also know that if I swallow all this junk and pretend that it didn’t happen, then I’ll never be able to come to terms with everything that has happened to me, and it will have an impact on me later.”

“What happened?”

“After the car accident, a bunch of stuff came back. They were things I thought I had forgotten, but I didn’t. You know, people sometimes say, you see your life flash before your eyes when something like this happens. Well, that’s pretty much what happened to me, but it was more or less afterwards, because some time later, I started remembering things.”

“Like what? What came back to you?” he asked gently.

“Everything. Events in my life, which I thought I had forgotten. It became clear to me why things were happening as they were. Things in my family that I could not control, but they were things that hurt me so deeply, I thought I was going crazy. I would pray, ‘Oh God, please help me because it hurts so much’. Sometimes, when things got resolved, and life got easier then I knew my prayers had been answered. But, more often than not, I ended up feeling lost.” She shook her head sadly.

Andrew nodded, he still held her hand tightly in his. “Tell me specifically what happened to you.”

She looked at him, and he could see the shame emerging in her words. “When I was a kid, I was sexually abused,” she said simply. “I grew up feeling disgusting, ugly, and the worst thing was, I had to deal with all this junk alone. There was no one there for me to help me or comfort me. It was like I was standing on an island, and I was looking out and all I could see were the sharks swimming around. They were just waiting for me to venture out so they could eat me alive. I wanted to die, Andrew, but I couldn’t even contemplate this as an option.”

“Simply because there was no one who would listen to you?” he asked weakly.

She nodded. “No one, the abuser was my mother’s boyfriend, and when I told her about it, she didn’t believe me. My father had disappeared, and there was little if no contact with him. He had his own problems to contend with anyway.”

“Yes, I believe you told me he was an alcoholic,” he said.

“Yeah,” Kelly smiled sadly. “I used to ask God to send me an angel, or something to help me cope with all of this. I was a lonely 12-year-old kid, and no one came, not one single person was there for me. There was no one there to hug me or hold me and tell me that I wasn’t at fault for it. So I grew up, believing somehow that I was unworthy of love, and it didn’t matter from where it came. I was always trying to make people believe that I was special, so much so that I ended up in an abusive relationship before I met Peter. He saved me from an unthinkable future, I mean if not for him, I probably would have married this other man and made the biggest mistake of my life. I believed for so long that God viewed me in the same negative way I viewed myself. Even in church, they would preach this stuff saying that we are ‘horrible sinners and we should repent’. I was left so confused, I didn’t know what to do.”

“But God doesn’t see you as such, Kelly, He loves you,” he said.

“If He loved me so much then, why didn’t he answer my prayer? Why did I have to endure all of this alone? I was 12, only 12 crummy years old, and alone. Completely alone! Can you imagine how many nights I cried myself to sleep? I would sometimes lay under the covers staring at the door and shaking from fear.” She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

Andrew looked at her sadly. “I cannot answer your questions any better than you could, Kelly.”

“I don’t expect you to,” she whispered. “I don’t think anyone really could do so. It’d be too much for a person to deal with, anyway.” She wiped her hands over her face and tried to give him a brave smile.

“I know you’re trying to be courageous through all this, but you’re really hurting, aren’t you?” he asked.

“More than I ever thought was possible,” she whispered.

“What happened in therapy that made you so sad?” he asked.

“I guess today it was hard, because I had to talk about the abuse, and so much came back to me. I guess I ended up feeling like I always have to prove myself, first to God, and then to Peter…” her voice trailed and she took a deep breath. “I really hate this entire thing. I mean, I’m supposed to be happy, right?”

Andrew wrapped her gently in his arms and held her tightly in his embrace. She laid her head against his shoulder as he began to gently caress her hair. This action had some sort of effect on her and she could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. Shaking her head sadly, she allowed him to silently comfort her. In his arms, she began to weep softly.

After some time had passed, she spoke, her crying had stopped. “You must be wonderful at your job, Andrew, because I feel better now. Thank you.”

He smiled at her, but continued to hold her gently in his arms. “I’m glad.”

She looked up at him. “I wish you had been there for me back then, I could have used the support.”

“I wish I had been there too,” he said smiling at her.

“I sometimes wonder if I could even begin to understand why everything happened as it did,” she said. “When I was a kid, I used to wish that God would send someone to help me figure this all out. I suppose those prayers were just something straight out of my fantasy, something that would never happen.”

“Do you believe in angels, Kelly?” he asked.

“I suppose so,” she said weakly.

“What would you say if you were to see an angel standing before you?” he asked as their embrace ended.

“I guess I would ask him or her why they weren’t with me during the most difficult time in my life,” she said softly. “Why had I been left to feel abandoned, a small child with no hope left, and needing someone to be there and to understand why the pain was so strong.”

Andrew looked at her with the utmost gentility in his eyes. “Kelly, there’s something I want to tell you,” he began.

“What?”

“I’m an angel, a messenger of God,” he said gently as the light began to illuminate around him and Kelly backed away from him, her eyes wide. “No, don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice beginning to waver.

“The answer is simple, you invited me here,” he said gently. “I’m not here on any assignment, Kelly, I was sent on vacation. You helped me to have a real vacation, and reminded me that even I need a break so that I can do a better job when I go back.”

Kelly’s mind was whirling, but after his words sunk in she looked at him without any traces of fear. “I think I understand, you told me when we first met that you counsel the dying, so that means, you’re an Angel of Death, right?”

“Yes,” he said softly.

“It’s a good thing I know I’m healthy, otherwise I might be a little bit nervous,” she smiled weakly but sighed as she looked at him. “I guess, even though all the things happened to me as a kid, you couldn’t have done anything because it wasn’t a part of your job, right?”

Andrew nodded. “Yes, that’s probably true, but you must know that I’m here for you now, Kelly, and I would do everything for you that I possibly can.”

She could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. She had to take a few deep breaths to keep her overwhelming desire to cry at bay.

Andrew took her hand once more and squeezed it reassuringly. “It makes me very sad to hear that you have had such a difficult time and that you felt alone. I wish there was something I could have done to help you.”

Kelly looked down at her lap and shook her head, the tears continuing to stream down her cheeks. She wanted to ask him to hold her, to rock her in his arms as though she was still a child. She could still feel the pain deep inside from not having had someone do that for her, and she knew she needed it, but to ask this of him made her feel self-conscious.

“What is it, Kelly?” he asked gently noticing the expression on her face.

“Andrew,” her voice cracked and she looked down at her lap and shook her head.

“Come here, I know what you’re thinking,” He said simply and once she was sitting in his lap, he wrapped her in his arms and held her as she wept bitterly. All those feelings of aloneness faded as the compassionate Angel of Death held her in his arms and rocked her as though she was a frail child.

*****

The night of Andrew’s departure arrived and Kelly and Peter were both saddened by the fact that he would be leaving. Kelly was in the kitchen putting the final touches on the dinner while Andrew and Peter sat in the living room watching television. She had found a CD and was playing music and singing along with the music as it drifted through the kitchen. Oddly enough, she discovered that after that day of confiding in Andrew, that she actually felt better even though it saddened her to know that he would soon be leaving.

“Kelly, everything looks wonderful,” Peter came down the hall. “Why don’t you do such meals for us when we’re alone?”

“I don’t know,” she smiled weakly as she stuck her head out through the doorway and called out to him. “I guess because you’re always making sandwiches when you come home from work.”

He laughed acknowledging the truth in her words, but after some moments, he could see the serious look on her face. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said softly, and when her husband entered the room, she could feel the tears in her eyes. “Peter, have I told you lately how much I love you, and how much I believe that our marriage has been a wonderful gift from God?”

“No, but I’m glad to hear that you feel that way, because I feel exactly the same,” he said and wrapped her in a bear hug.

“You’re the greatest, honey, I couldn’t have made it through without you,” she smiled weakly as Andrew came into the room. “OK, I would have made it, but it wouldn’t have been as nice.”

The three of them sat down at the table and once they were holding each other’s hands, Kelly offered the prayer before they began to eat. As they were eating the conversation was light and funny. But as she was clearing the desert dishes away and sat back down, Andrew spoke up.

“I just want you both to know, I’m going to always remember you, and the memories I have had here have been simply wonderful.”

Kelly smiled. “Those memories will sustain you when things get hard, just as mine do me. Thank you Andrew, for being here with us, for sharing this time with us and for being like a brother to me. We’ll miss you terribly, but I somehow know that one day, we’ll see each other again.”

“You will, Kelly, but not for a long time,” he said gently.

Peter shook his head. It appeared as though he was confused by the undertones in the words that were said. Instead, he offered their guest a warm smile. “Listen, Andrew, if you ever need a place to get over stress with your job, you can always come here. I can sort of relate with you on that note, and besides, at least then I’ll get a home-cooked meal now and then.”

“Oh very funny,” Kelly laughed out loud. “Now I know why I married you, for your unbelievable sense of humor.”

Andrew smiled at the young couple. “You both made me realize a great deal about the importance of what I do. I realize now how sometimes even with such a significant job, I can always use a little time off to collect memories. I also realize what you meant when you spoke of memories, Kelly. I won’t forget this time with you and I will remember you and be grateful to you.”

Peter smiled but excused himself from the table and left the room.

“I won’t forget that you were there for me after the therapy got harder, and that you helped me realize that I wasn’t alone,” Kelly said softly. “I think God sent you here because we were supposed to meet. Maybe you just thought you were on vacation, Andrew, maybe the real reason was so you could help me.” She could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks.

Andrew smiled and nodded. “Perhaps, but whatever happened, and whatever reason there was for me being here, I’m glad I was.”

“I have a funny feeling you’re not going to be here much longer,” she said softly.

“I will be leaving very soon, Kelly,” he said softly.

She could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “You know there’s one thing I really hate, and that’s good-byes.”

“Then perhaps you should just say ‘see you later’,” he said smiling.

Kelly smiled and nodded. Once he gave her a hug, he disappeared leaving her alone in the kitchen. As she looked around where she was now standing, she shook her head in disbelief. She left the kitchen and went down the hall and into the living room. There, she could see Peter seated on the sofa.

“Peter, Andrew is gone,” she said softly.

“Gone?”

“Yeah, he went…home,” she said.

“Angel express, don’t even have to wait for a plane,” Peter laughed out loud.

“You knew?”

“Of course I knew,” Peter smiled. “He helped you overcome some of this junk you have been dealing with. He couldn’t have been anything else but an angel. He’s kind and compassionate, I mean those are pretty significant qualities, and I know you two spoke often about God and the church, so I sort of put two and two together.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Where would I have started? Kelly, I think everyone who met Andrew while he was here knew that there was something extraordinary about him. Just ask your friends from the choir, specifically Henrietta, she was on to him from the start. She pulled me aside and said as much.”

“Why didn’t anyone say anything to me about it?” Kelly asked.

“Maybe you had a few things to realize too,” Peter said simply. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Now, come and sit with me, and if you’d like, we can watch a romantic movie together.”

Kelly went and sat down on the sofa, but as she did a small piece of glass and a note caught her eye and she reached over to the coffee table to retrieve a small figurine. “Did you buy this?” she asked as she looked down at the small angel in her hand.

“No, but why don’t you open the letter and see who did,” Peter suggested.

Kelly did as he suggested and inside the envelope was a single handwritten sentence.

“God bless you both, and give you the strength to overcome all obstacles. Love, Andrew.”

She cradled the small figure in her hands, and looked at Peter and smiled. “He won’t forget us, of that I am certain.”

Peter nodded and as he started the film, he wrapped his arms around her.

*****

Upon seeing Tess and Monica again, Andrew smiled.

“How was your vacation?” Monica asked.

“Wonderful, I met two of the neatest people,” Andrew said.

“Where were you?”

“I went back to Germany, and this time, I had a chance to see the beautiful side of that country,” Andrew said.

“What about these people you met?” Tess asked.

“Kelly and her husband Peter,” he shook his head, but smiled. “You know Tess, it wasn’t really like a vacation. I suppose I did work a little bit while there, but it felt good. Oddly enough, Kelly made me realize that I did need a break, but she also showed me that I can’t necessarily leave behind what I am and go away for two months and not do anything.”

Monica looked at Tess, and it was apparent that Andrew’s words confused her. “What are you saying, Andrew?”

“I have some good memories, they will sustain me in what I do, but I also have that good feeling that I was there for one of God’s children who desperately needed to know that she isn’t alone. That’s the best memory of them all.”

Tess smiled, “so you had a good vacation?”

“Yes,” he said simply, and he immediately began to thank God for his wonderful adventure.

The End

(This story is not written to infringe on any previously held copyrights, and Kelly is a real person, she's actually me during the time I was in counseling between November 2000, and April 2001.)

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